Finding the best way to start a conversation on Tinder isn’t always easy. We’ve all been there: You’ve crafted the perfect bio, included attractive photos of yourself, and now you’re finally connecting with some matches. But you start chatting with your matches and something feels… amiss.
Conversations are stale and you’re not making connections so much as you’re making small talk. You find yourself firing off one-word answers or asking boring questions like, “how’s the weather?” With such little depth in your convos, it’s no wonder you’re not landing a date.
If you’re looking for the best way to start a conversation on Tinder, we’re here to help! Below, we’ve put together five top tips to help you out.
# Use their profile as leverage
If you really want to entice someone then you need to lay off the, “You’re hot” messages and instead focus on the person and not the picture. Once you swipe right on someone, be sure to go through their profile. Look through their pictures and interests and pay attention to the activities they like, or where they’ve vacationed.
Find a detail you’re genuinely curious about, and form a question around it. “Nice Empire State Building pic! I love New York City. What’s your favorite place to visit when you’re there?” From there, you’ll be able to launch into a full-blown convo about dating in NYC, travel, dream trips, and who else knows what.
# Make everyday questions specialAlmost anyone can ask, “How are you?” but you don’t want to be anyone. You don’t just want to stand out, you want to form a connection with your match that goes beyond the typical, “I’m good” response. For example, you might ask, “What was your favorite part of today?” Which would give you insight into what makes them smile.
If you want to ask something about their profile, like a favorite movie, instead of saying something trite like, “I love Jurassic Park too,” ask something like, “What would play during your ideal movie night?” You’re not only taking interest in them, but you’re also getting an idea about what they might like for a future date night.
# Don’t be afraid to be enthusiasticA lot of people get hesitant about coming off too strong, which means their responses could come across as self-deprecating and ho-hum. If someone asks you about your job, refrain from saying something like, “I work in advertising. It pays the bills.”
Instead, don’t be afraid to discuss your favorite part of your job and why you like it. On the other hand, if you don’t like your job, then talk about the things you do like. Positive energy is contagious—and attractive.
# Flattery will get you everywhereCompliments help to open a conversation between two people and create positive energy. But when giving them out, you also don’t want to come across too strong or too cheesy. When in doubt, err on the side of caution, and stay away from comments regarding physical appearance.
Instead, compliment your match on their lifestyle or hobbies. Maybe there’s a photo of them rock climbing. Saying something like, “Wow, that climb in your photos looks rough,” is a lot more intriguing than “Nice eyes.”
# Check your spellingNothing says lazy more than poor spelling or using tons of slang and emojis in a convo. It makes it seem you’re not putting in a ton of effort or interest in your match if your messages look messy and brief. You want to be taken seriously, which also means ensuring that you’re correctly spelling your match’s name.
You don’t want to say, “Kellie” when it’s “Kelli”. The little things make a world of difference, especially when you’re first getting to know someone. No one’s going to want to entertain a conversation, let alone connect with you through one if you seem rushed or apathetic.