Marriage is undoubtedly one of the most complex relationships to maintain. The honeymoon phase inevitably comes to an end. From can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other days you graduate to a more settled, rhythmic pace of life.
As you try to juggle the responsibilities of work and home, keeping the spark alive and strengthening your connection can become a struggle. Unless both partners make conscious efforts on this front, you can find yourself at a tipping point that can cause your union to disintegrate.
# Lack of communicationStunted communication can be both the underlying cause and one of the major symptoms of an unhappy marriage. One of the unmissable unhappy marriage signs is not being able to see eye-to-eye due to different perspectives and wavelengths.
Communication between partners can get obstructed due to two reasons – failure to understand what the partner is trying to say or choosing to not engage in conversation out of fear of arguments and fights.
# Imbalance of power in the relationshipMarriage therapist and author of the book Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships Marni Feuerman, in her writings, links unhappy marriage to a power struggle in the relationship.
If you, your partner or both of you tend to invalidate each other’s feelings and concerns with a view to gain an upper hand in arguments as well as your relationship, it’s an indicator that you’re living in an unhappy marriage.
# Not spending quality time together
A lack of desire to spend quality time together is also among the unhappy marriage signs as it indicates that a couple has started growing apart. They have become used to their loneliness, which in turn, makes them discontent and unhappy with their marital life.
# Shirking responsibilitiesThat unhappiness in marriage also manifests as an unwillingness to shoulder the responsibilities of the house and children. Given that most couples bicker over whose turn it is to do the dishes or who would take the kids to their playdates, are most marriages unhappy?
Well, not quite. Trying to pass the buck of domestic responsibilities or picking up slack because your spouse didn’t do what they were supposed to every once in a while is rather normal in most marriages.
# You entertain thoughts of divorce
Like we said before, every marriage has moments where at least one of the spouses is overcome with the urge to just pack up their bags and leave. However, these thoughts are fleeting. Often, a result of flaring tempers.
When you’re in an unhappy marriage but can’t leave, these thoughts about divorce take a more permanent place in your headspace. You don’t just want to pack up your bags and leave in a fit of rage not knowing where you’d go or what you’d do next.
# Comparison with other spouses
You are not happy in your marriage when you constantly compare your spouse with others. This, in turn, creates feelings of insecurity, inferiority complex and jealousy, which can further aggravate problems in an already precarious marital bond.
Do you find yourself achingly comparing how your best friend’s husband pampers her with breakfast in bed every Sunday morning with how yours doesn’t even know where the spatulas are? It is a sign that you are not happy with the quality of your marital bond.
# Your sexual chemistry is goneWhile every individual has different sex drives and your libido can be affected by myriad factors such as age, health and other stresses, a sudden dip in your sex life is among the unhappy marriage signs.
# Affection is missing from your marriageIntimacy between partners isn’t just about sex. The little gestures of affection – a peck on the cheek, a kiss on the forehead before saying each other goodbye for the day, holding hands while driving, giving each other a shoulder rub at the end of a long day – also go a long way in making spouses feel loved, valued and cherished.