Relationships are not always full of sunshine and rainbows. They can be hard work, so this is how to set boundaries in a relationship.
All healthy relationships have one thing in common-boundaries. But, what are boundaries? Well, for every couple they differ, but there are some basic commonalities for how to set boundaries in a relationship.
Boundaries can be set so that fights don’t go too far. They can also be in place so you or your partner doesn’t overstep and include themselves into something you want to handle alone. So, depending on your relationship, the boundaries you set will vary, but they should always benefit your relationship as a whole, not just one person.
# Triggers
We all have baggage from past relationships. Whether you have trust issues, self-esteem issues, or dealt with mental or emotional abuse. Having boundaries set in place in your new relationship is a great place to start.
Make sure your partner knows what you’ve been through and what sort of behavior is off the table. If cursing in a fight brings up bad feelings for you, let your partner know how it makes you feel so you can move forward in a healthy way. And vice versa.
# Expectations
Boundaries are not just stopping points in a relationship, but also expectations. What do you and your partner expect from one another? I’m assuming neither of you is a mind reader, that means you have to tell each other what you want from one another.
Let your partner know if you expect to talk every day. Let them know if you expect them to do certain things, like have dinner with your family once a week. If you don’t communicate about what you both expect from one another, you will both begin to resent each other for not living up to your expectations.
# FightsYou may think having boundaries set for fights is jinxing it. But, all couples fight. And having boundaries set for the inevitable will help your fights end amicably rather than in a rage.
A great time to set this boundary is before you even have your first fight. Talk about what behavior is okay and what isn’t. Will you go to bed angry or work things out before laying down? Will you give each other space to calm down or talk it through? Is it okay if one of you leaves?
Discuss what behaviors are okay and not okay in an argument. And decide the most appropriate course of action for your relationship moving forward.
# Social mediaIn today’s day and age, your social media status can really affect your relationship, so having boundaries set here can prevent future misunderstandings. Are you going to be official on social media? Are you going to post cute couple pictures?
Or are you both more private and want to keep things on the DL? This is something you should discuss. Ensuring you are both on the same page with the online PDA will make sure you don’t push someone’s boundaries.
# Me timeRelationships can be all-consuming, but having time for yourself is vital. Discuss that with your partner. Make sure they know it isn’t that you don’t want to spend time with them, but you need time alone too in order to maintain your identity separate from the relationship.
You can even schedule a few times a week for you two to go off on your own.
# Date nightsWhen you first meet, dates are how you get to know one another, but once the honeymoon phase is over, dates can turn into falling asleep watching The Office on the sofa.
Set boundaries in your relationship. Maybe you agree on one date night per week or one per month, where you actually go out and do something new and exciting. Not only does this help keep the spark alive, but it can prevent a rut from forming.
# IndependenceJust because you’re a couple doesn’t mean every part of your life is shared. You may want to be independent with your money. Are you willing to bail your partner out of a jam by lending them money or lying for them?
You and your partner need to discuss what you are willing and not willing to do in these situations. This way, if something does come up, you will already have a plan in motion.
# Intimacy
What happens in the bedroom is not always fun and games. Some people have off-limits zones. If you want to try something new or don’t want to try something new, talking about it is vital for a healthy relationship.
Set boundaries with your partner of what you want to do and don’t want to do so you both go into every sexy night feeling safe and heard.
# MonogamyJust because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean being faithful is a given. Boundaries need to be set in a relationship when it comes to commitment. Are you all in or are you still testing the waters? You don’t want to assume you are monogamous to later find out your partner has been seeing other people.
So discuss your boundaries. Talk about everything from sex, to kissing, and even flirting. What is off limits outside of you two?
# The future
This won’t be for everyone, but if you are looking to develop a longterm relationship you need to set boundaries on the future. Do you both want kids? Do you want to travel?
Discussing what you both want out of the future together can help you move forward, or press the brakes.