If you’ve been hurt by someone you love, it can be a difficult and painful experience. It’s natural to want to make the person who caused you pain feel guilty for their actions. While it’s important to remember that guilt is not a healthy or productive emotion in the long term, it can be a useful tool for communicating the hurt and harm that their actions have caused. According to research, it was found that induction of guilt can be done with an intention of securing long-term, positive outcomes.
In this article, we’ll explore 20 proven ways how to make him feel guilty for hurting you. From setting boundaries and assertively communicating your needs to seeking support from friends and loved ones, these strategies can help you take control of the situation and start healing.
# Describe the impact of his actions on your mental health
One of the most important things you can do when someone has hurt you is to clearly state the impact of their actions on your mental health. This means telling the person exactly how they made you feel and how it continues to affect you. Lack of communication and understanding might lead to repetitive fights, but it won’t make him feel bad for hurting you unless you put your thoughts in front of him clearly. You can express the negative impact by saying the following:
- “I am always in fear of not getting enough validation since you keep dismissing my opinion”
- “I have a hard time trusting people now since you have made it so difficult for me to trust myself”
- “Your words always make me feel so insignificant, it’s affecting me in my work environment”
It’s an essential step in helping the other person understand the gravity of their actions. It also gives them the opportunity to take responsibility for their behavior and make amends.
# Confront him directly
If you feel comfortable doing so, confront him about his actions and explain how they have hurt you. When you sit with him and voice your hurt feelings to him directly, it can impact his psyche severely. You’re wondering “What can I say to make him feel guilty?” Maybe not much. Here’s why.
According to research, men naturally do not feel the same level of guilt as women, so, simply ‘watching’ the hurt he caused you to play out on your face as you let him know he hurt you can present your point more effectively. You won’t even have to say much. Make it clear that his behavior was not okay and that he needs to take responsibility for it and bring immediate change.
# Use “I” statementsWhen communicating your feelings, it’s important to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, during arguments, use words like “I feel hurt when you say/do this” instead of “You hurt me.”
According to a blog, “An I-statement forces us to take responsibility for what we are thinking and feeling and prevents us from blaming our partners.” It helps you focus on your feelings and experiences, rather than placing blame on the other person. This approach can also help them understand your perspective and feel more guilty for hurting you.
# Don’t let him off the hook too easily
It can be tempting to try to brush off the hurt that your partner has caused you, especially if you still care about them. However, it is important to stand your ground and clarify that their actions were unacceptable.
Here’s what happens if you let him off the hook too easily:
- It sends the message that his behavior is acceptable and that it’s okay for him to mistreat you
- It can create a pattern of abuse in the relationship
- He may not take you or your feelings seriously
- It can damage your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
# Don’t let him gaslight you or make you doubt your feelings
It is common for manipulators to try to twist the narrative and make others doubt their own feelings and experiences by saying things like: “That’s not what happened, you are not thinking straight” or “How can you believe such things about me?” If your partner has tried to gaslight you or make you doubt your own feelings, it is important to stand firm and remember that you are entitled to your emotions and perceptions.
Educate yourself on dealing with a gaslighting partner without doubting yourself. Standing strong with your assessment of his bad behavior will make him realize his attempts are pointless, and he will acknowledge his wrongdoings eventually.
# Don’t let him minimize the hurt he caused you
It is also common for some men to try to minimize the harm that they have caused their partners. If your partner has tried to downplay the hurt that they caused you, it is important to realize that what you feel is valid. You should not let him make you feel like you’re stretching things out of proportion. He’ll make you think what he did was not a big deal in the following ways:
- “It was only a minor error, nothing to worry about”
- “Let’s discuss something else”
- “It’s not that big of a deal, stop overreacting”
# Don’t let him play the victimAnother common tactic of such people is to try to shift the blame onto their victims. If your partner has tried to play the victim in order to avoid accountability for their actions, it is important to stand your ground and make it clear that their behavior will not be disregarded. When you snatch away their power to manipulate you, you compel them to reflect on their actions. Don’t let them get away with deflecting responsibility and making it seem like you are the one at fault.
# Set boundariesWhen someone has hurt you by abandoning you, it’s important to set boundaries to protect yourself and your well-being. This can make him feel bad for leaving you.
No matter how much you wish to just drop him a text to make him feel guilty for hurting you, don’t. Setting boundaries allows you to take control of your well-being and helps to show the person that their actions have consequences. It also sends a clear message that you won’t tolerate being hurt and that you expect better treatment in the future.
# Take care of yourself
It’s important to prioritize your well-being and take care of yourself after being hurt by someone you love. This might involve taking time to rest and recharge, loving yourself for who you are, engaging in self-care activities like exercise or meditation, or finding ways to cope with the emotions you’re experiencing. You may wonder, “This seems pointless in making him feel guilty,” but taking care of yourself helps in the following ways:
- Shows the person who hurt you that you value yourself enough to want accountability for their toxic behavior
- States that you won’t let their actions define you
- Helps to build your own resilience and strength so you’re better equipped to handle similar situations in the future.
# Seek support from friends and familyDealing with someone who has hurt you can be challenging, and it’s important to have a support system in place to help you in rebuilding love after emotional damage. This might involve talking to a friend or family member or joining a support group. It will provide you with the emotional and practical support you need to heal and cope with the hurt you’ve experienced. It can also help to give you a sense of perspective and remind you that you’re not alone. This is how it’ll make him feel bad for hurting you:
- He is less likely to treat you badly when you have a support system backing you up
- By asking for help from your friends and family, you can show him that his actions have hurt not only you but also those who are important to you
- Additionally, if you are not in the wrong, your mutual friends will support you over him, which will make him understand his behavior. It can provide you with a feeling of validation and confidence that you are not alone in your emotions
- As per research, acceptance — in romantic relationships, from friends, even from strangers — is absolutely fundamental to humans. Being part of a group helps people feel safe and protected. Thus, your partner would crave this social approval once it’s withdrawn, and this will make him feel guilty.