If you’ve been told you’re a possessive friend, well, that’s not a compliment. A window has opened. Now you have the chance to learn to be a better friend.
A couple of days ago, your friend sat you down and told you that you’re a possessive friend. Ouch. That stung. But don’t take this as a bad thing. Your friend just saved you from not only losing a friend but from losing yourself.
Now, you have the chance to recognize your actions and change yourself for the better. Of course, you probably told your friend that you’d stop being possessive. But how will you do that? You probably didn’t even know you were being possessive.
# It’s time to do some self-reflectionIf you’re ready, there are two things that could have happened. First, you were told you’re possessive by your friend or someone else.
Alternatively, you’re starting to realize your behavior isn’t good. Either way, you’re in a position where you should reflect on yourself and your behavior. So, sit down and take a hard look in the mirror.
# You don’t own your friendThis is the important thing to remember: you don’t own your friend. It’s normal to have this feeling when you’re close to someone, but you need to shake that mentality off. At the end of the day, you are free people who decided to be friends, and it wasn’t because you owned your friend. No one owns anyone. So your change needs to start from here.
# Get to know each other’s friends
If you’re struggling with jealousy, a good way to remove it from the relationship is by getting to know each other’s friends.
When you know who your friend is spending time with, you’ll feel less anxiety. Plus, you may actually become friends with your friend’s friends too. And it’s a win-win for everyone.
# Learn to trust your friend
One part of possessiveness is the inability to trust your friend. If you trust them, you wouldn’t feel the need to possess and try to control them. Possessiveness is usually a reflection of your own internal insecurities. So, sit down with yourself, look at your insecurities, and how they reflect on your friendship. When do you become the possessive friend?
# Live your own lifeIf you’re someone who spent all your time with this friend, it’s time you create some healthy distance. This doesn’t mean you should cut them from your life; instead, spend some time with your other friends, take up a hobby, and become your own person. Because, at the end of the day, you are two separate people with two different lives.
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Practice self-awarenessThis isn’t going to be an overnight process. Rather, it’ll take a lot of time for you to work on yourself and grow out of being a possessive friend. And there’s nothing wrong with this; change takes time. Try to practice self-awareness and see when you’re starting to become possessive. Write these moments down and see if you can find a pattern.
# Don’t try to change themThis happens in every possessive relationship; one person is trying hard to change the other. But here’s the thing: you can’t change your friend. Plus, why would you want to change your friend? You’re friends with them because of who they are now, not who you want them to be.
# Focus on being independentAside from your other insecurities, it’s clear you’ve become dependent on your friend. Now, we all become dependent on our friends from time-to-time; they’re our support. But, you should be able to live your life without your friend by your side 24/7.
So, step back from being the possessive friend and push yourself to be more independent. You don’t need your friend to help you decide what you’re going to wear that day or how you should reply to a text from a boy you like. Try to do these things yourself.
# Find out what you love to do
There is something that you love to do; maybe you just haven’t discovered it yet. But now is your time to create your own life and identity. If you’re interested in painting, take a painting class. If you want to learn how to rollerblade, buy a pair of blades and practice. Explore yourself and find the things that make you happy.
# Give each other some space
A little bit of space can be a healthy thing. You don’t need to talk to your friend on the phone every day for five hours. That time could be used to help you grow and become your own person instead. Give yourself some time to explore yourself and the things you enjoy doing. They don’t need to hold your hand through your own journey.