Dating men who are emotionally immature can be exhausting. Here are eleven signs that your husband or boyfriend is emotionally immature and some tips to help you handle this relationship.
# This is his first long term relationshipOne of the first signs of emotionally immature men is that they've never been in a long term relationship. The thing about men who are emotionally immature is that they hate to be alone, but they have trouble maintaining a long term relationship. If dating you is his first time being with a woman for more than a few weeks or a couple of months, it's probably because of his immature personality. One way to help your boyfriend or husband get over his immature commitment phobia is to be patient with him. If he's trying to be with you for a long time, it means he's putting in effort, but he'll need help. Try to sit down and have a conversation as adults about what you each expect from this relationship. If your goals don't align well, then maybe this relationship isn't right for either of you. The best way to get through to an emotionally immature man in his first long term relationship is conversation, though. It won't work if you don't talk about it!
# Literally everything is a joke
A woman loves a man who can make her laugh, there's no doubt about it. Men who can make jokes are great. But men who only make jokes; not so great. If your guy seems to make a joke out of everything, he's probably emotionally immature. This can be anything from laughing when your leather chair makes a farting noise to dancing around the grocery store with a bag of peanuts. The biggest problem, though, is that he can't be serious. You're trying to have a conversation as adults and he can't stop cracking jokes. You try to sit your husband or boyfriend down to discuss the bills that are due, but he won't stop drawing stick figures on the envelopes to make a flip book. Lightening the mood every once in a while is fine, but if he is so emotionally immature that he can't focus on anything serious, it could be a problem. The first step is not to react to his jokes when they come at the inappropriate time. Laughter only encourages him to keep being immature. The second thing is to give him responsibilities and let him feel the consequences. Tell him he has to pay the light bill on time. He won't be laughing when he has to shower in the dark because he was too busy cracking jokes to pay attention to the bill's due date. Hopefully, he'll learn that there are some things he needs to take seriously.
# He has a weird relationship with his momA guy who is a total mommy's boy can be endearing until he becomes your long term boyfriend or husband. Then his attachment with the woman who birthed him gets to be weird. If his mom knows more about your relationship than you do, he probably needs that connection to fuel his emotional immaturity. You're both adults. If his relationship with his mom is beyond the usual, tell him that you're worried he's too attached to her. Because he's emotionally immature, his reaction will probably be hostile and he will probably accuse you of being petty or jealous. Stand your ground. You don't have to make him choose between you and his mom - you don't want to totally destroy his relationship with the woman. However, shifting his loyalties might be nice. And if he refuses, well, maybe he and his mom should be in the long term relationship and you should find a boyfriend or husband who has a healthy, not weird, relationship with his mother.
# He's spending all of your money A guy who is emotionally immature has no regard for how adults have to live, like saving money for bills instead of going to Vegas with the guys. If he's going out every night and spending all of his - and your - hard earned money, he's probably immature. The best thing to do if you're in a situation like this is to keep separate bank accounts and encourage him to save money or set money aside for specific frivolities. It might sound harsh to keep your own bank account, but it's probably for the best, especially if you're not married yet. You have to be aware that a guy with the maturity of a teenager might take a whimsical trip to the Rockies at any moment. You have to protect both of you by keeping the money safe and flowing in the right direction - like towards bills, not vacations.
# Nothing is ever his fault
What about the vase that he knocked over? Well, if you'd just put it somewhere else it wouldn't have fallen over. The light bill you asked him to pay? If you wanted it paid on time you should have done it yourself. A guy who is emotionally immature doesn't get that he could be at fault for something that happened. He'll constantly be looking for a scapegoat to assign blame when something goes wrong. To deal with this, don't let him get away with it. You're not at fault even if he makes you feel like you are. You can't force him to accept responsibility for his actions, but you can try to make him come to that conclusion himself by refusing to go along with his constant blame game.
# He has a short temperA major telltale sign of a guy who is emotionally immature is that he gets angry quickly and takes a long time to defuse. He's not the kind of guy who forgives and forgets. If your guy will explode over seemingly little things and continue to let it bother him for days or weeks after the incident, he's probably emotionally immature. Like the child in his brain, he reacts irrationally to even the smallest of irritants. He likely throws tantrums no matter where he is, including public places like restaurants and grocery stores, when he doesn't get his way. Like with children, the best way to handle his short temper is to react with calmness. Getting into a screaming match only fuels his anger and encourages his tantrums. Remaining calm and trying to calm him down, but never giving in to his demands, is the best way to counteract this aspect of an emotionally immature guy.
# He assigns himself personality traitsIf your guy ever talks about how nice he is right after he made a rude comment about a stranger walking by, he's probably emotionally immature. He knows that he's supposed to be nice, so he says that he is even if everyone around him knows it isn't true. In this case, pointing out that his rude comment makes him not a very nice person is a way to show him that he needs to fit the personality he thinks he has. Making him examine his choices and think about how to act nice rather than just call him nice, he might be able to move beyond saying, I'm a nice person, and actually act like a nice person.