12 Do's and Donts While Meeting Your Girlfriend's Parents

There's a great story that's done the rounds on the internet about a guy who went to meet his girlfriend's parents for the first time. He wasn't doing badly until halfway through dinner, when he had to make a polite but urgent visit to the toilet and, to cut a long story short, when he tried to flush the offending body away, it just wouldn't go.

Horrified that someone might see, and desperate to salvage the situation, he took a wad of toilet tissue, grabbed the offending item and threw it out the window. Returning downstairs, to his horror, the averted eyes and red faces told him the full story long before he'd witnessed it for himself. Yes, you guessed it the toilet was right above the dining room, and lying outside on the lawn, where they had all seen it land, was an exploded lump of tissue and fecal matter!

DO

# Be punctual

First impressions last, and nothing makes a worse first impression than arriving late. Punctuality is the hallmark of a responsible and considerate person exactly the kind of guy they want their daughter to continue seeing.

# Dress to the nines

Look sharp. If you live in a traditional part of the world, do the full formal dress. Don a suit and tie. The mother will think you look great and the father will appreciate the effort. It's a win-win entrance into your girlfriend is family.

# Shower thoroughly

A shame that this needs to be pointed out, but not everyone is as keen on showering as others. The best way to sour the proceedings is to turn up smelling like a hobo.

# Address them appropriately

It's Mr. and Mrs. Smith until they tell you otherwise. Not Dave, not Sal and definitely not Yo, dudes!!!

# Have immaculate table manners

Such a simple thing to get right, and yet so many fail on the most elementary etiquette. Remember to keep your mouth closed when chewing, don't talk with your mouth full, and make sure that your face is at head height, rather than buried in your bowl.

# Treat your girl with respect

There's a time and a place to refer to your girlfriend in a jokingly disrespectful manner if she's in on the joke, of course but in front of her parents is not one of those times.

DON'T

# Slap your girl on the ass

In front of her father are you crazy?! If you're lucky, you'll just get a stern glance and a tight lip, but if he's the old-school type, you'll be out as fast as your legs can carry you.

# Slap your girl's mom on the ass

Unless you like the taste of hospital food, that is! It'll be more than a quick exit you receive at her father's hands this time.

# Slap your girl's father on the ass

SERIOUSLY DUDE WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

# Do a number two

As in the introductory tale, there's so much that can go wrong with a bodily evacuation. Make sure you take care of that either before or after the event not during.

# Complain about the food

Have some manners, please. Would you complain about your own mother's food? If you would, then you need to think long and hard about implementing some immediate personality alterations.

# Be obsequious

Although being rude is a huge no-no, so is flattery when taken to the extreme. If you find yourself burrowing your nose so deeply in your host's butt that you can see what he had for breakfast, you really need to rethink your approach.