How many times have you felt upset by something your male partner said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do and then found yourself concluding that whatever the issue it results from his very maleness, from the sheer fact that he is a man, that he simply ‘can’t help it.’ Certain notes are sounded again and again when women talk about trouble with their men: “But you know, that’s how men are” or “He’s a man after all, it's not his fault” or “MEN!” Typically the women listening nod and laugh, bursting with agreement. These and other platitudes are recited as a way to minimize their distress and frustration. However, this tendency to dismiss males as genetically deficient reinforces for them the idea that it is not safe to fully be themselves with their female partners.
It is important to note research consistently demonstrates that men and women are more alike than different, share an almost identical brain structure, similar needs for achievement and connection, and generally want the same things out of life. The differences are in nuance and, although important, should not be used to relegate men to some far removed, distant space in the universe that normal people, i.e. women, find inhospitable.
As women we often reinforce the same gender conditioning that pushes men away. A more effective approach is to buffer this harsh cultural reality by keeping these five points in mind.
* Greet him with a smile when he comes home. Don’t greet him with a frown, attacks, a list of things to do or a quarrel because of things he didn’t do.
* Buy him something to wear that is in line with his taste: Whether a tie, a belt, a shirt, a wrist watch, cologne and such. Something that each time he wears it, he will think of you more. Men love it when that special woman makes them look good and smell good.
* Pray for him while he is listening. Any man will be humbled by that.
* Praise him in front of the child/children. Say to them “Your dad is really amazing” and such. He will feel more secure and in charge at home.
* Straighten his tie
Offer to not only unbuckle his belt when undressing him to make love; but also to buckle it when he is dressing up. This shows you love him for more than sex.
* Randomly send him a message to his phone telling him something special like “I am proud to be yours”, “There’s no other man I would rather be with”. A man in love wants to get that from the one he is in love with.
* Buy him a book that will build him, a book he perceives will make him a great man. A book on politics, or governance, or business, or inspiration, or spiritual growth; whatever his interests or needs are. This shows him you are concerned about his growth.
* Take him out on a date sometimes. Ask him when he is free and treat him. Dates are not only for the men to plan. Pamper him sometimes.
* Find out his favourite meal and prepare it often. Sit down and eat with him. Men get close to the one they eat with.
* Kiss his cheek
Yes, the kiss on the lips is the most important; but there is something innocent and assuring about a kiss on the cheek.
* Organize his life
If there is one thing a woman is good at, it’s organization. Be that wife/woman he confesses “I don’t know what I would do without you. With you in my life, everything falls into place”.
* Dress up so well when you leave the house and when privately with him. Your greatest focus should be to appeal to his eyes in private.
* Lovingly ask him for help occasionally even when you can do it by yourself. Men love to feel needed, like they are heroes.
* Befriend his friends
Don’t fight them. Show him that you know your position in his life and that you are above his friends to compete with them. Don’t withdraw from them, make appearances that will make his friends affirm to him how he is blessed to have you.
* Tell him you believe in him
That you believe in his ability to find a solution when he feels stuck or when storms come. You may not give him advice but just this confidence in him will inspire him.
* Seduce him
Be sexually aggressive. Be the woman who places his hands on your bum, rubs your butt on his central business district, plays with his nipples, touches him in a sexual way, pursue your husband sexually. Men love it when their hardness is on demand by the woman they are faithful to.
* Be the source of his peace
In all you do, ask yourself “Am I giving him peace?” Men often start wars between nations and outside homes but women often start wars at home when their expectations are not met, when they feel hurt or when they want to prove a point. Lady, even if he doesn’t do everything the way you want; making his time with you to lack peace, giving him silent treatment, giving him your sneers, banging of doors, coldness and bickering will not make him improve; all that will do will make him avoid being near you.