4 Warning Signs Your Marriage Has Changed After Becoming Grandparents

Extended families are an accepted and natural social norm within Singapore. Most new parents rely on help from their own parents during the early years of care for their children. The experience can be immensely helpful for young couples struggling to juggle their careers and the demands that a newborn or a young child might have. It also enriches the lives of the grandparents by giving them a sense of continuity into the future, and from the sheer joy that having a second chance at parenting can bring.

Whilst this is positive for the extended family as a whole, you need to ensure that your new roles as grandparents don’t overtake and stress your own roles as spouses and life partners for each other. Here are some of the top warning signs to watch out for.

# You Have No Time For Your Spouse

This is probably the first sign that you have not been able to balance your new role as a grandparent with your role as a spouse. Whilst a higher degree of involvement is natural in the first 3 months after a baby is born, your commitment and schedule should begin to balance itself out and you should be able to find time to spend with your spouse again. If however, after 3 months, you find that you are spending all your weekdays at your child’s home caring for your grandchild whilst your spouse spends time alone or is running separate errands for your children, and perhaps even weekends together are spent shopping for your grandchild or providing additional babysitting services, then you know that your life is no longer at equilibrium.

# You Feel Tired And Unable To Cope

Most of us are becoming grandparents at a later and later age. Getting married later, having children later, and then having our children repeat this same cycle means that many of us may be in our late 60’s by the time we become grandparents. Compare this to the norm of a generation or 2 ago when most people became grandparents in their 50’s. You will need to assess your own energy levels and ability to help your children with your grandchildren. If you are physically unable to cope with the demands of being a more active grandparent, you will also physically have less time and energy for your relationship with your spouse.

Even though you may want to help more, if you find yourself tired and unable to cope, you will need to share your concerns with your children and find a solution that will help them as well as you.

# Your Involvement Has Created Conflict Within The Family

Nothing hijacks a relationship more than conflict. Sometimes, being a grandparent is tricky. You need to remember to be fair and share the same amount of time and energy with all your grandchildren. If you appear to favour or spend more time with one set of grandchildren over another, even if you never intended it to be a comparison, it might be construed as one and lead to tension within the family.

Family conflicts will have a negative impact on your relationship with your spouse. Like it or not, they too will be drawn into it. Whether you agree or disagree with each other, dealing with a family conflict takes the focus away from your own relationship and creates a negative atmosphere which takes a tremendous amount of energy to reverse.

# You No Longer Have Time For Your Own Interests

This might happen if you find that your commitments as a grandparent, spouse and maybe even to your career if you are still working, leave you no time to pursue any of your own interests. Not having time for yourself will take away an important avenue for you to re-charge yourself, feel inspired by life and optimistic about your capabilities and choices. Feeling good about yourself and positive about the people around you are important in your relationship not only with your spouse, but also with the people around you. Not investing in yourself will make it hard for you to invest in your marriage and by extension, in your family too.