Relationships have a certain flow about them. Regardless of who you are, it tends to go something like this: you meet and greet, you fall for each other, and you end up dating. After a while, you grow apart, and one of you gets dumped.
Or, the alternative, you have a huge argument, the one that makes everything different, but you don’t break up *very rare, since most people break up at least once while they’re together*. After some time, you make up, work on things seriously, mature as a couple, and have a great, healthy dynamic. Unless you just never get back together.
This is usually the time marriage is brought up seriously, not just the “when we have a life together, we’ll have a mansion,” talk. Of course, not everyone gets married. Some people think their love is enough, and opt out of marriage, focusing instead on their happy relationship.
Sounds too fairy tale-like? Well, being happy and healthy together isn’t the end. Being happy and healthy takes work. But by this point, you’re probably wondering what’s going on with your relationship. You’re wondering why you’re stuck in one stage, and not moving toward the next.
# Fear of commitmentTerrible way to start the list, right? Wrong. Might as well get the worst reason out of the way first, so when you get to the end, you realize it doesn’t all have to be negative. For long-term relationships, which are the ones that get to the standstill part, obviously, it’s common to have a fear of commitment.
Chances are, you’ve been together for years. What if you never got to experience X, Y and Z? What if you are afraid of taking a bigger step, since the whole long-term thing seems big enough? Not everyone feels this way, but it is pretty common.
# One of you feels like you haven’t accomplished goals or made enough progress in other areas of life
Most people attribute this to men, specifically, saying how a man needs to feel like a provider, like he’s winning at life, and like he is worthy before taking the plunge with a woman. That statement is half true.
Women are the same, but slightly different. Women want to be successful and accomplish certain career goals, too. Most won’t turn down a proposal if they haven’t accomplished those goals yet, but they will wish it had happened a little later. That stereotype that women want to be married as fast as possible? Myth. Everyone wants to get certain things done before getting married. Or before moving in, or before meeting the parents, etc. It’s not just about marriage with this reason.
# FinancesShort and simple. Money makes the world go round. If you don’t have enough money, you can’t move in together, can’t go on as many date nights, can’t get married, can’t plan a family, can’t take that first vacation together *important in any relationship*, etc.
For instance, if you’ve been dating someone for years, and you’re both broke, chances are, that dream of moving in together is a long, long journey away. So, you end up doing the same thing time and time again, hanging out at mom and dad’s, and probably not going out a lot since you don’t have the means. Standstill.
# Growing apart, but not knowing what to do about it
There’s a stereotype that when you’re with someone and you don’t see eye-to-eye anymore, you simply throw the relationship away. In reality, most people have a tough time with this. Even if your partner is completely different from what they were two months ago, you still have the feelings, the memories, and the desire to make it work. Only, you don’t know what to do about the situation.
A standstill is the answer, where you both continue dating, and have feelings, but you don’t know how to handle the new dynamic. Your best bet? Waiting it out, or joining the fun, so your partner realizes what you’ve been dealing with and thinks, “this isn’t us.”
# One of you simply doesn’t feel that rush since you’ll be together foreverNo, the quotations around “you’ll be together forever,” aren’t mocking, they’re reality: death is inevitable. And everyone knows about the rush. Everyone reaches an age where their friends are getting married. Then, it’s like a giant race to married life.
For others, the race means the race of trying to move in together. Meanwhile, others feel the pressure to reach a certain stage in a relationship. For instance, the man might want to reach the point in which he can go to the bathroom with her. She might refuse that for a while.