5 Signs You are in a Controlling Relationship

It is good to have a protective and caring partner who keeps you safe and sees to it that all your needs are fulfilled. But, sometimes this attention goes overboard and makes you feel like a bird inside a golden cage.

If you are feeling that your partner is becoming possessive and obsessed with you, and their care or attention is suffocating you, the chances are that you’re in a controlling relationship.

Controlling relationships are not all the same, with the degree of control varying from couple to couple. However, in time, such relationships can become toxic and dangerous for a person. In this post, we elaborate on what a controlling relationship is, signs that say you’re in one, and what to do if you are in a controlling relationship.

* Emotional isolation

The controlling partner tries to break you so that you have no other option but to surrender to them. It is like they’re weaving a spider web around you to make sure you have no additional support in life.

* Destructive criticism

In a healthy relationship, both the partners seek feedback from each other, which should ideally help them become better individuals. For instance, if you are having trouble with your boss, an ideal partner will sit with you, listen to your problems and try to ease your pain, whereas a controlling partner would say, “I am sure it is your fault” or “you must’ve done something for your boss to say or do that.” They will look for something wrong in everything you do and say.

* Codependency

If you do not break this controlling behavior in the initial stages, you will lose your power to think and find yourself increasingly dependent on your partner. Even a simple decision like what to cook for dinner will be difficult to make without asking your partner first. Slowly, you will lose your self-sufficiency, which makes you depressed.

* Threats and abuse

The controlling partner will go to any lengths to have the reins in their hand. They will resort to emotional and physical threats such as “if you leave me and go now, you will never see me again,” “you must do as I say or else….” You will be stuck in the relationship out of fear that your partner will harm you or themselves. Other times, the threats will be to cut off financial support, access to children, etc. Whether or not these risks are real, statements like these are a sign that your partner wants to get their way, even if it is hurting you.

* Conditional love

One more sign of a controlling relationship is conditioning their love and affection. For example, if you find your partner say, “I will love you if you do or be this for me,” or “I would have fulfilled all your dreams if you behaved yourself.” If these are the statements you hear often, your partner does not love you for who you are. They only love you if they can pull strings and get things done through you.