Before we begin dissecting the behavior of men, let’s first understand what can cause a man to be emotionally unavailable. One of the reasons why a man is emotionally distant could be that he has never been allowed to face his emotions from a young age. Another reason could be that he grew up in an environment where he was neglected, which compelled him to shut down his emotions and become emotionally unavailable in future relationships because being emotionally available has brought him pain in the past.
Past relationships could also be a reason why men become emotionally unavailable. Maybe he faced betrayal, was cheated on, or just had a toxic experience. Most of us are wired to jump to conclusions and internally overthink relationships.
# Not being vulnerable is one of the early signs of an emotionally unavailable man One of the early signs of an emotionally unavailable man is that he doesn’t express or expose his true sentiments in front of you. And, no matter how much you push them to open up and communicate their feelings, they never let down their guard around you and say what’s really on their minds. When learning how to connect with an emotionally unavailable man, observe his level of vulnerability in front of you.
One of my friends from college faced a similar issue. The first task to make an emotionally unavailable man available is to acknowledge his unavailability. My boyfriend had terrible experiences in relationships so when we started dating, it was impossible to get him to share anything about himself. I did not understand this until I observed that he was the same way in all his relationships. It takes time to realize why the person has become emotionally unavailable and even longer to accept that you are not the reason for it.
# They are secretive about their past
An emotionally unavailable person is rarely upfront, honest, or forthright with you about their past experiences. While they don’t have to provide every detail about their relationship history or personal lives, it’s vital to remember that having a good relationship requires you and your partner to openly discuss and get to know one another. There is only so much you can communicate with an emotionally unavailable man if you know nothing about him.
Can add to trust issues in the relationship. It can lead to the other partner becoming stressed and living on the edge. It further leads to distance in the relationship because you can never fully connect with your partner. It is important to understand some things about them in order to understand the person deeply.
# Sarcasm is their coping mechanism We are a generation of pseudo-Chandler Bings trying to pass through life unfazed. But while the cheeky sarcasm and timely comebacks seem humorous on-screen, in real life, it could be a warning sign.
Have you ever noticed how they dismiss everything with a joke or a caustic remark? An emotionally unavailable person makes a joke instead of expressing anger, fear, sadness, or disappointment to avoid dealing with raw emotions and appear strong and undisturbed in your eyes.
# They hardly make an effort While a lot of people take time to put effort into a relationship in the fear of getting hurt, an emotionally unavailable man will not put effort whether you date him for a day or a year. Do not waste your time learning how to connect with an emotionally unavailable man if you are not okay with his lack of effort in the relationship.
If you notice a pattern in their behavior and realize that you are the one initiating everything in the relationship, it is a sign that the man you are in love with might be emotionally unavailable. The classic example is every teenager’s dream boyfriend, Chuck Bass. He was the epitome of emotional unavailability and while that charm seems attractive, you do not want to be in a relationship with a person who does not make an effort to be with you.
# They prefer physical intimacy over emotional intimacy Yes, lust is a real thing. But if that’s all they are in it for, maybe it is a sign. The trick here is to separate the casanovas from the emotionally unavailable men. Someone who is in it for the sexual aspect of the relationship will probably be upfront and would not want to be in a relationship.
Emotionally unavailable men, on the other hand, will claim to be in a relationship with you but will dodge emotional intimacy.