5 Useful Tips To Have Healthy Arguments in Relationship

Let's face it; you're going to have arguments in your relationship. Maybe they snore; maybe you didn't think they should blow their paycheck on video games. Or maybe it's deeper. When these things inevitably come to a head, you may as well do your best to make it more productive and less hurtful. Try these rules and exercises from experts to communicate better while arguing, subdue intense emotions, and prevent blow-ups in the first place.

* Close the gap

Greene often asks couples to sit across from each other at a small table (a TV tray table, for example) when they argue. When discussing something deep that you know will turn quickly into a heated argument, sit at this tiny table where your knees are touching, your arms are banging into each other, and where eye contact is evident, says Greene. It's much harder to get volatile when sitting this close and staring into the eyes of your partner.

* Talk for 20 minutes per day

This is especially important for couples with children (but even for those without), is something that can often go overlooked when there's a busy time at work, and can go a long way in preventing relationship arguments in the first place. But if you and your partner aren't communicating, small things can contribute to resentment and anger in your relationship. Save at least 20 minutes a day to check-in without interruptions and see how your partner is doing and feeling.

* Don't assume

When you assume something, you're usually wrong more times than you're right, says Amy Schoen, a dating and relationship expert and a professional life coach. This could be thanks to ghosts from past relationships, your current partner's past bad behavior, or even anecdotal evidence from other people's relationships.If something is troubling you, make sure you ask your partner their thoughts.

* Ask for what you need

Instead of blaming and accusing, make a goal to reframe things in terms of your needs, says Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker. So rather than saying, I hate that you don't text back quickly, try simply telling them exactly what you want (perhaps to be more responsive when you text or call?). Instead of blaming your partner—which could start another relationship argument and make you come off as bossy or demanding, try telling them how much you love it when they text you. Ask how you can make this work better, as you worry that something has happened to them if you don't hear from them for a while. This gives them the opportunity to explain (maybe they're usually driving or perhaps their phone is on silent at work), and you both can understand the situation from the other's point of view.

* Practice softer emotions

Humans are passionate, and when we're mad, we can get loud. When you have high emotional energy, you make impulsive decisions. If you've ever spouted something in the middle of an argument and immediately regretted it, you likely know what he means. When you find yourself or your partner in an instance of high emotional energy, try to understand what else may be going on under these surface emotions. For example, when your partner is angry, check-in and see if they're sad or worried about something. Feelings of sadness and worry are usually at the bottom of the barrel of anger, and are considered softer emotions.