In relationships, at work, and in pretty much all avenues of life, we need trust. We need to trust others and most importantly, we need to trust ourselves. But should you trust your gut?
To make decisions, accomplish goals, and move forward with our lives, we need trust. It is as simple as that. Or is it? Trust is not a simple thing. Sure, we can trust that our waiter won’t spit in our food or that our mail carrier won’t read our letters, but above these societal norms, trust is difficult.
We lose trust in others when we are let down, disappointed, or lied to. And from there, we often lose trust in ourselves. For instance, I’ve dated a lot of liars and instead of just not trusting them I stopped trusting my own taste, my intuition, and my ability to know people.
To trust your gut and hopefully have it work out, you must do it the right way.
If I trusted my gut before each date I went on, I would have never been on a date in my life. My gut always warned me it would be terrible, that I’d get hurt, and that I should be afraid. But, if I listen to my gut I wouldn’t be in the happy relationship I’m in now.
# Stop thinking about the what-ifsWhat-ifs are the poison of decision-making. This is over-thinking at its worst. Thinking about all the possible outcomes based on what you do will only drive you crazy. You could think about a million and one outcomes, but what will happen will be the millionth and second.
What-ifs overpower trusting your gut. Your gut feeling is an initial good or bad feeling, but if you overthink, you won’t be able to tell if you’re trusting your gut or your overactive mind.
# Think about yourselfWhen you are told to trust your gut, it is often for a situation about you. Will you accept a job across the country? Will you marry someone? But will you breakup? Yes, all of these decisions affect other people, but when you want to trust your gut and do it right, you should be your first priority.
My friend once got very close to marrying someone she wasn’t sure about. After a lot of talking, I told her to close her eyes, clear her mind, and just picture her future. Was it with him or without him?
It seems simple but that was her trusting her gut, and she broke up with him and married someone different and has never been happier.
# Don’t be outwardly influencedWe let ourselves be influenced by society, our family, and our friends. We want to make the choice most people will be happy with. If you are a people pleaser, the odds are your gut is too.
You know what decision your parents or partner wants you to make, and your gut may lean towards that to make things easier for you. But, in this case, your gut is influenced by others and that never turns out well.
# Don’t trust your gut when you’re desperateDesperation leads to poor decision making. When you trust your gut in an intense and time-sensitive situation, you can often blame your decision on your gut instead of yourself.
But your gut is part of you. So, although it is viewed as this pit in your stomach that will give you wise answers, it is essentially the wizard from Wizard of Oz. It is only offering you what you already have. In desperate times, don’t remove responsibility and go with your gut. Go with yourself.
# Let your gut guide you
Your gut may give you an answer one way or another, but it is not your leader. You make up your own mind. I trust my gut, but if I always did, I would live in constant fear.
Your gut should be like a therapist. They guide you and give you perspective but not actually tell you what to do.