5 Ways To Recognize The Signs of The Martyr Complex

Women are often pleasers by nature. Some of us more than others! We have empathy and compassion possibly more heightened than our male counterparts. Most of us put our family, friends, and even stranger’s needs ahead of our own, choosing to be the selfless martyr. When you think of a martyr complex or the martyr syndrome, you likely think of just one definition. In reality, there are many.

After years of examining my own behavior, I had an epiphany one day. I consider myself someone who always puts others first. If you need a dollar, I gladly give you my last. Need an errand run? I am always good to jump in the car. What I realized was how it made me a miserable person.

Not only did it hurt my personal relationships, it also wreaked havoc in my marriage. Always putting my husband’s needs ahead of my own, a destructive pattern of behavior appeared.

# You are often upset by the reaction of others when you do things for them

Often, we do things for people thinking we do them just to be nice. After we do them, we are disappointed at their reaction. There is a level of gratitude those with the martyr complex expect.

We wholeheartedly do it just to be nice, but unconsciously, we hope something will come from it.

You expect either adoration, people to think you are nice, or remember all that you sacrificed to help them out. When you have the martyr complex, you may act like your favors are no big deal, but are then shocked when those you help aren’t overly thankful.

# You say yes when you would rather say no

A martyr complexer says yes even when they want to say no. You constantly put others before you. What that creates is a chaotic, unsettled, and stressful life.

Although thinking you’re help others out, you always put yourself in a position that makes you behave hurried, stressed out, and upset.

To others, you appear to be aloof and perpetually short tempered, which is the exact opposite of the way you want others to see you.

# You make friends with people that others can’t get along with

Those with the martyr complex constantly seek acceptance. You go out of your way not just for those you love, but for anyone you attempt to engage. When someone doesn’t pay attention to you or acknowledge you, you work extra hard to win them over. That includes finding those people with the toughest personalities to appease.

Finding a diamond in the rough, you always go for the most distant, withdrawn, and difficult person in the crowd. After all, pleasing these tough nuts and playing a martyr makes the effort seem a lot more harder. And in turn, you hope for a lot more gratitude.

# You say yes even when you don’t intend to follow through, then make excuses

A person who is a martyr often says yes with no intention of following through. Saying no is such a difficult thing that you say yes at any cost. A self-fulfilling prophecy, you can’t possibly be in two places at one time.

Instead of being the sacrificing person you want to be, what you become is someone unreliable or uncaring. Feeling like your heart was in the right place, you don’t take responsibility for letting someone down or not following through.

when you think you must sacrifice yourself for others, you usually end up being viewed less favorably than if you had just said you couldn’t or didn’t want to do something.

# If you say no, you worry someone won’t like you

You think people like you not for who you are, but for what you do for them. If you do things simply to get people to like you, then you sacrifice yourself without reason.

People should like you not because you put them in front of yourself, but because you have value and bring something to the table.