Loving someone is a strong feeling. It can take over your thoughts and be your sole focus. Whether you shared a relationship or had a long unrequited love, learning how to stop loving someone can be brutal.
The feelings of love can bring you so much joy and so much pain. And letting go of that is a huge jolt to your system.
You are used to being in love and ending that is a big step. It’s one thing to naturally fall out of love, but when you want to stop loving someone because things ended or you need to move on, it can be hard to let go of those feelings.
# Accept the factsOne of the reasons we struggle to move on and stop loving someone is that we don’t want to admit it is really over. Part of us thinks just maybe it will work out someday. If we move on we lose that chance.
The first step in letting someone go is accepting the facts. The relationship is over. It might be nice to hold onto hope, but, when that hope is empty, it just leaves you feeling empty. Being able to live with the truth that this relationship didn’t work out is the best way to remind yourself that it is time to let go of that love.
Take some time to really process that this is the end. Things will only get better from here.
# Appreciate what you hadYou don’t have to hate your ex in order to stop loving them. You don’t need to forget the good times either. The love you had was real and meaningful. You can always care for this person in some capacity without loving them. The goal is to look back on these memories with a smile and appreciation, not pain.
Acting like the relationship didn’t mean as much as it did, will only push you further into denial. That relationship was important, so feel that. Appreciating the relationship helps you learn from it going forward and gives you peace.
# Be realisticWhen we still love someone after things end, and even if you want to learn how to stop loving someone, we end up focusing on the good times. We look at the relationship with rose-colored glasses because part of us doesn’t want to move on.
Look back at the relationship with honesty. Talk to a trusted friend who you confided in during the relationship. They can give you a clear look at how happy you were or weren’t.
I had a friend who struggled to move on from an ex then looked back at their photos together. Although they were always smiling, she remembered having a fight right before the photo was taken in front of nearly everyone. Don’t look at the highlight reel of the relationship. Look at the reality and realize that you’re probably better off.
Yes, everything wasn’t awful, but you probably weren’t as happy as you thought.
# Focus on yourselfIf you want to truly learn how to stop loving someone, take time for yourself. Instead of focusing on them or that love you still have, love yourself.
Do some self-care, whatever that means to you. Learn a new skill. Work on a project. Interview for a new job. Take time to better yourself. Go to therapy. Volunteer. Take time to work on you.
Maybe looking back at your relationship reminds you that there are some things you should change. Do you need to be more open with communication? Or be more willing to compromise?
# Make future plans
After a breakup, while we’re stilling holding onto this old love, we tend to be still. We just hang around and don’t make future plans. Think about those with commitment issues. They rarely make plans far in advance. You may be doing the same thing now because you are afraid of committing to yourself and your future being single.
Make plans alone. RSVP to a friend’s party by yourself. Go to the movies alone. Plan things that you are excited about. This reminds you that you have a future without this person you still love.
With time, you will see that that love isn’t necessary for you.