Boundaries in dating are actually amazing tools in helping you find the right partner. If you don’t have a basic set of boundaries, you’re essentially saying you don’t value yourself, and you’ll take whatever relationship comes your way. When I was in my early twenties, I didn’t know what boundaries were, I just went with the flow.
Though I just wanted to be loved, I ended up dating someone who literally went against everything I stood for. That’s not the way to do it.
You don’t really know the person you’re dating—that’s why you’re dating. Boundaries help show the person you’re dating what you appreciate and what you don’t appreciate.
# They have a partner or are marriedUnless they have broken up with their partner or are in the process of divorce, there is simply no need for you to be with this person. If they tell you they’re going to leave their partner for you, believe it when you see it.
In the meantime, don’t waste your time. You’re a filler for them. Something to help ease their mind on whatever problems are going on at home. Don’t be an emotional airbag for them. They can pay for a therapist or go on Dr. Phil.
# Love, trust, and respectAretha Franklin didn’t sing that song for nothing. This is a huge boundary must. You should not go into a relationship where these three things are non-existent. Trust, love, and respect.
Now, love doesn’t have to be “in love.” I mean, they appreciate you. Without these attributes, your relationship sours very fast and is possibly abusive as well. This also shows you they’re not as into as you think they are. Don’t be a convenience for them.
# No means noI don’t care if they’re a woman or man, three legs, one leg, listens to Justin Bieber, or has a pet turtle—when someone says no, it means no. This also ties into the previous point. If they don’t understand the meaning of no or simply ignore you when you say no, they don’t respect you.
They just actually don’t care. Yeah, I know, dating the bad boy or the cool girl is exciting, but in the long run, it’s not worth it. Haven’t you seen any chick flicks? They always end up alone.
# Cannot say sorry
You may think this isn’t a big deal, but if you’re dating someone who doesn’t want or knows how to say sorry—run. This is one of the big ones in the boundaries of dating. Acknowledgment of your own actions and taking responsibility for your mistakes is essential. What happens if you get into a fight where they screwed up and they don’t want to apologize?
It’s gonna be a draining and endless relationship of you taking the blame for everything. I was with someone who never apologized, I eventually just went silent since every argument would point back to me—emotionally and mentally. Trust me, it sucks the life out of you.
# You’re not their parentWe all have some mommy/daddy issues bottled up in us. Maybe your dad didn’t catch you when you fell from your bike in second grade or your mom always yelled at you. We all have something.
The point is, don’t become someone’s parent. If they have issues, they need to fix them. Sure you can support them, but their baggage is their baggage. As someone who always attracts men with mommy/daddy issues, I know this all too well. There’s being in an equal relationship and then there’s having someone rely on you for all their needs. No way, not happening.
# Someone who is unkind to othersThe best way to find out what type of person your partner is to see how they interact with their parents. Are they unexplainably rude and verbally/emotionally abusive to their mom and dad? Yeah, they won’t treat you any better. I mean, if they talk to their parents with unkind and cruel worlds, the ones who gave them life, what makes you think you’re something special? Nah, we ain’t down for that.