Jealousy within a relationship can cause a slew of different problems, from paranoia to insecurity to unfounded accusations.
But sometimes, we can’t help but be jealous, especially if there’s someone who’s getting a little more attention from your partner than you think they deserve.
The green-eyed monster can be a pain to deal with, especially if you can’t find ways or reasons to confront your partner about it, but all said and done, jealousy within a relationship is never healthy, to you, your partner or your relationship.
# Experience… And then explain.There may be times when you fly off into a jealous rage simply because you saw your significant other texting someone or talking to someone who may potentially be a threat to you.
But before you go off into a barrage of accusations, stop yourself for a moment. Ask yourself a few questions about what you’re feeling. Try to find out why you’re jealous to begin with.
Why is my partner talking to this person? Is it unreasonable for them to be talking at this hour? Has this incident happened before, and what was my partner’s explanation for it? Am I jealous because I feel like my partner would cheat on me? Am I jealous because this is exactly how I felt when I was cheated on in the past? Does this jealousy stem from something I’ve experienced in the past or something that my partner has done or said?
Once you’ve pinpointed the main reason for your jealousy, you will then have a clearer picture of what you believe is happening. This will help you gain a new perspective on the situation, and it can also prevent you from jumping to conclusions.
# Never, ever play mind games.
Jealousy may often bring out the worst side of people in a relationship. One of the worst things you can do is play mind games to make your lover come running back to you at a moment’s notice.
This may seem like a quick fix, but it will put a strain on your relationship. How? It can break your lover’s trust in you, and due to the quick results, you may repeat this trick to get their attention again and again whenever you feel like your partner’s paying too much attention to another person.
Another thing overly jealous partners may do is checking their partner’s personal accounts. If you find yourself hacking into your partner’s Facebook account, email and even their mobile phone, it’s definitely proof that you neither trust your partner, nor do you respect their privacy.
If you have very strong suspicions that your jealousy isn’t unfounded, confront your partner directly like an adult and talk about it. Otherwise, allow your partner the right to keep some things private.
# Don’t let your imagination consume you.
When there’s a situation that you’re not completely clear about, it’s easy to let your imagination fill in all the bits that you don’t know yet.
A boyfriend who’s always working overtime might be a philandering jerk who’s sleeping with his coworker. A girlfriend who doesn’t pick up her phone may be a liar who’s still seeing her ex.
But when this image of your partner really sticks to your mind, you may start picking out behaviors that prove that your theory is right. And that’s when paranoia and jealousy get out of control!
Before you start imagining and recreating fictitious scenarios where your partner is cheating on you, there are two things you can do.
First, you can find a different way of looking at things. Your boyfriend might really be clocking in some added hours because he’s just been promoted. Your girlfriend may not have picked up her phone because she was driving.
If this doesn’t calm your raging imagination, the second thing you can do is try to find another activity that will distract you until your partner can give you a reasonable explanation. Don’t let your emotions rule your imagination!
# Resist the urge to compare.
Envy and jealousy are very closely linked. So it’s very likely that one of the main reasons you’re jealous of someone is because this person has qualities that you think you lack.
Top that off with the attention your partner gives this person, and that’s just adding fuel to the fire. As tempting as it is to compare yourself with the object of your jealousy, stop yourself before you start pummeling down on your self-esteem.
Even if you think this other person has positive characteristics that you don’t have, think of this – Of all the smart, funny, good-looking people in your partner’s social circle, why did he/she choose to be with you?
No matter what qualities other people around your partner may have, at the end of it all, it’s still you who gets to be his or her honey. Have a little more faith in yourself!
# Explain your jealousy to your partner
For many, it feels downright embarrassing and insulting to admit that they’re jealous of someone. But sometimes, this is all your lover needs to know in order to stop making you feel jealous all the time.
You could explain that you’ve noticed that he or she has been spending a lot of time with a certain person, and that you’d like to know why. Don’t make it sound like too much of a confrontation as it may make your partner clam up. Instead, casually mention the object of your jealousy and your boyfriend or girlfriend may already take the hint. [Read: Sneaky ways to deal with your partner’s flirty best friend!]
If possible, you can ask your partner to call or text you whenever they’re working late or if they’re out with friends, just to reassure you that they’re not up to anything fishy. Additionally, you can ask to meet up with their coworkers and friends sometime so you can get to know them a little better.
It often helps if you form a bond with your partner’s circle of friends in order to feel reassured that he or she won’t be up to anything suspicious when you’re not around to watch.
Talk to your lover about other possible, reasonable options that would help reassure you that there’s no need to be jealous of anyone in your partner’s life.
# Learn to gradually trust your partner.Along with the other tips above, one of the hardest but most important things you can do is try to stop over analyzing every single thing your partner does and just learn to trust them one step at a time.
Lengthen the leash and allow your partner to enjoy their own life even when you’re not around to watch over them. Keep in mind that this person loves you and cherishes your relationship. And if they haven’t done anything to make you doubt their devotion to you, then why should you doubt how much your partner loves you?