6 Major Signs You are Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Are you losing yourself in a relationship? Reminds me of a song by 6LACK which goes like, “I don’t wanna lose myself loving you…You know everything ’cause I put it in my songs. If I tell you that I’m working, I ain’t out doing you wrong. I got too much on my plate to add some s**t that I don’t need. I ain’t asking you for space, just some room to f**king breathe.”

To spend every waking moment being in love feels amazing until it leads to a major identity crisis. Eventually, everything that makes you ‘you’ starts getting dissolved into the likes and dislikes of your partner. And you end up thinking, “Who am I? Am I even myself anymore? I feel like I can’t be myself in my relationship.” So, what are the signs of losing yourself in a relationship? And how to find yourself after losing yourself in a relationship? Let’s find out.

# You have stopped doing things that you love

Have you become so absorbed in your relationship that you have stopped taking time out for things that you genuinely love? It could be spending time with friends, singing, dancing, meditating, or writing. If your hobbies or interests have taken a backseat, it is one of the signs of losing yourself in a relationship.

# Solitude feels like a nightmare

As the lyrics to the song by Jhené Aiko go, “…F**k all your free time. You don’t need no me time. That’s you and me time…” That might sound cool as a song but in reality, you need me time. This free time is actually a way to retain your individual identity apart from your relationship. This holds true especially for an introvert and extrovert relationship.

# Your friends and family members are worried about you

When I lost myself in a toxic relationship, my friends and family members could see it months before I could. They kept telling me that I had become a different version of myself. I was in complete denial so I would never believe them when they would say all these things.

Don’t make the same mistake and take the advice of your loved ones seriously. If they are worried about you, it is not something that you should ignore. When we are in love, we put on rose-tinted glasses and so we need people who can shake us and give us a reality check.

# What is the meaning of losing yourself in a relationship? Lack of boundaries

Do you find yourself agreeing to be a part of plans and activities you don’t necessarily enjoy doing? For example, you might be an introvert who loves reading books or introspecting in your free time. But ever since you have been in a relationship, you force yourself to go to parties just because your partner is an extrovert.

Not being able to put yourself first and reluctance to voice your likes and dislikes to your partner could be the signs that you are losing yourself in the process of loving someone. Losing yourself feels like the inability to say ‘No’ to things you don’t want to do or don’t have the time for. Setting emotional boundaries in relationships is very important.

# Your life is centered around your partner

What are the signs that you are losing yourself in a relationship? To help you find the answer to this question, we have a few follow-up questions: Is your partner all you ever think about or talk about or dream about? Do you hardly have a life outside of your relationship and your social life keeps shrinking because you keep canceling other plans to spend time with your partner?

Have you changed so much for them that now you are just a carbon copy of your partner? Is your happiness totally dependent on your partner and you lose your mind if your relationship is not going well? Do you take your partner’s approval in making the smallest of decisions? Are you so scared to lose your partner that you end up compromising yourself, more than you should? All these are indisputable signs of a codependent relationship.

# You feel disconnected from your own feelings

It is self-betrayal if you are denying your own needs and desires by rationalizing and telling yourself that it’s okay to stay in a chaotic, unsatisfying, challenging relationship that only causes chronic disappointment. You keep giving the benefit of the doubt to your partner, even when this relationship lacks consistent emotional stability and you constantly feel misunderstood, rejected, and depleted.