Ever felt guilty for being relieved after you’ve broken up with someone? Ditch the guilt and rationalize your feelings with these explanations. You were in a relationship with someone, whom you believed to be your soul-mate and the love of your life, but things started to go a bit awry, and before you knew it, the relationship was hitting the stony depths of rock-bottom and separation became an imminent reality.
This relief may have come as a bit of a shock. You loved your partner after all and there are so many great things about them that you’re going to miss. However, it couldn’t have been as perfect a relationship as you had convinced yourself, and there must have been issues beneath the surface that didn’t make your relationship feel right.
So what was that thing that you were so relieved about? The following list outlines the ten main reasons people become relieved about a relationship ending.
# You felt suffocated in the relationshipYou may have had the most attentive, caring and helpful partner alive, the one that all your friends constantly comment upon saying how lucky you were and how they wish they could find someone similar.
However, sometimes having someone’s undivided attention around the clock can be a touch suffocating. Were they one of those people who were always on the phone with you? Always turning up uninvited? Never had any interests of their own? Maybe the relief you felt was due to the fact that you could now unfurl your wings and live your own life again without having every footstep observed and assisted.
# Your relationship was abusive
This is a difficult one, as most people would find it hard to believe that physical abuse is something that could so easily go unnoticed all the way to the break-up stage. However, there are different types of abuse and emotional/psychological abuse is just as despicable and potentially even more harming.
Maybe you were convinced that you couldn’t do anything on your own without this person, because of a carefully orchestrated emotional terror campaign carried out subtly over a period of time, in order to compensate for your ex’s fears and inadequacies. The relief here is from knowing that you are a better and bigger person than that, and that you were able to free yourself from abuse.
# You were no longer attracted to your partner
You might be scared of the ‘shallow’ label, but attraction is a big deal. Whatever your definition of attraction may be, whether it’s mental, physical, sexual or otherwise, it’s still important to have passionate or at least romantic feelings of attraction towards your partner. However, if the attraction is no longer there, then what was a loving relationship becomes a friendship, and the relief probably comes from knowing that you are now free to treat it like one.
# You have a disappointing sex life. If you come away from your bedroom exploits feeling that you had more excitement the last time you bit into a tuna-mayo sandwich, then this could be another reason why you are feeling relief. Although sexual prowess and innovation are not the be all and end all of a relationship, it is a huge part of developing an emotional connection.
Your relief may spring from the fact that you no longer have to pretend to feel lust towards your partner, or it may be because you’re now free to have more exciting sexual exploits elsewhere.
# You were cheated on
Whether directly responsible for the separation or not, cheating is something which no relationship should have to tolerate. You may have found out or even had it confessed to you, but even if after much thought, you decided to put it behind you and give the relationship another go, things will never be the same.
The bond of trust has been broken and there will always be an element of unease at the back of your mind. Plus, you also have to work on rebuilding the trust within your relationship. The fact that this unease has finally been dealt with by separating from your cheating partner may also be a reason for this feeling of relief.
# You’ve found someone more suitableAlthough you’ve never considered cheating on your partner for a moment, you may have found someone whom you could potentially be attracted to. Whether it’s dazzling wit, great looks or blinding intelligence, they just blew you away and made your ex-partner seem, well, just a little bit ordinary. Although you might never have meant any harm to anyone, the relief you feel is that associated with being free to pursue this new, attractive person.