When you’re single, wondering about finding love comes with the territory. Whether you’re trying to plan your future or are just feeling lonely in the moment, it is comforting if you could peep into your future and have the accurate answer to “when will I find love”.
The thing is, unless you’re a psychic, there really is no way to know for sure.
And that is alright because it isn’t about knowing when you’ll find love, but who you will find love with, how you’ll find love, and how you’ll know when you’ve found love.
Finding love isn’t about simply finding it, but finding the right love. You can find love in all the wrong places and with all the wrong people. But finding true love and going about it in the healthiest way is most important.
# Be openFinding love isn’t about finding something serious after one date. It isn’t about being in a labeled relationship. Finding love is about the experience of respect, trust, and communication with this person.
Be open to the possibilities. Maybe, someone, you least expect is right for you. Maybe someone who moves slower than you want to is just what you need. I’m not saying you need to be in an open relationship if you’re uncomfortable about it or wait for someone to be on the same page as you, but I do think you should be open to taking your time.
Accept that things could work out but not the exact way you pictured it.
# Be yourselfYou may think being yourself and being open are opposites, but hear me out. You want to find love, so being open to other things seems like you’re being fake. In reality, you wanting to find love isn’t who you are, it is what you want.
And you can have it. It is just a matter of focusing on authenticity over your expectations. I once dated a guy for six months because he wanted a relationship and told me he loved me. We were far from right for each other and I wasn’t happy with him. But I had what I believed was a relationship based on love at the time.
I let wanting a relationship and to be in love cloud who I was. Once I was able to let go of the idea of being in love being more important than being myself, I was able to let go of that and move forward.
# Accept when things don’t work outSomething that prevents us from finding love is hanging onto rejection. We let our egos drive our actions. We are hurt that someone turned us down, so we dwell on that and can’t get them out of our heads which stops us from finding our true love.
Accepting that not everyone we date will be the right match is so important. Not everyone will like you as you don’t like everyone. Let go of the idea that someone who seemed to like you no longer does. Accepting rejection and unsuccessful relationships helps you move on.
# Respect yourselfLove isn’t about becoming one together. It isn’t about finding your other half. It is about finding someone that you respect and who respects you. Knowing what you deserve is so important.
That doesn’t mean you need to have a list of characteristics for your soul mate or have to be picky. It means you need to know you deserve someone who will treat you as an equal and respect your opinions. It means you deserve someone who knows your time is important, and won’t waste it.
I was in a relationship for a long time where I was being cheated on and used and waited for him to call me all the time because I thought I deserved that. I thought that if I deserved to be treated better I would have found something better. But just because I didn’t have it then didn’t mean I was unworthy of a healthy relationship.
I had to put myself first and realize I deserved to be respected not walked all over.
# Be vulnerableThis is one of the hardest parts of finding love but it is so important. You may feel like you love someone after a few weeks of fun but in reality, life includes hardships, and knowing you can handle them together is important.
Letting this person into your fears and worries is important. If you can’t let down your walls that have been built up due to your past, you won’t be able to truly be in love.
# Let go of your timelineSo many of us live like we’re running out of time to find love. Maybe you wanted to be married or pregnant by a certain age. Maybe you wanted to be with someone for a certain period of time before being engaged or you wanted to travel for a year.
Let go of that. There is no perfect age to get married. The pressure you feel to find love now or soon is being put on you by yourself and society. No matter how lonely you are, wanting to find love this very month or year isn’t going to make it happen. You cannot force it or will it to be.