6 Signs You Can Look Out of a Controlling Mother in Law

It is very difficult to comprehend whether your mother-in-law is genuinely protective of her son or just interested in controlling and tormenting you. Manipulative and interfering mothers-in-law are good at scheming and they can give you mixed signals. This can make reading the signs your mother-in-law is manipulative that much trickier.

At one point, she may seem genuinely interested in your relationship with your husband, while at another, she may be poisoning his mind against you. This can leave you bewildered and confused, wondering if she is really manipulating things her way or you have mistaken her concerns for toxicity. Thus, we list down the signs of a controlling mother-in-law which will help recognize the true nature of your mother-in-law.

# She spies on you

One of the reasons you might be feeling “my mother-in-law wants to control everything” could be that she spies on you. She keeps a track of all that you do during the day. She asks you questions on and about anything that you may be doing – even for something as trivial as talking to someone on the phone. It is like her spying eyes follow your every move and you can actually feel her watching you.

# Controlling mother-in-law will wear you down

First, she will engage you in discussion and eventually wear you down through words and actions. She will keep repeating her point of view even when you have stated your inclination otherwise, till you either get tired and give in or maybe tell her something in anger, which she then holds against you forever.

You will find yourself under attack while you think all you did was try to put your point across. She might also try to poison your husband’s mind against you and make him choose his family over you. It could drive you crazy to the extent that you consider leaving your husband because of your mother-in-law. This is a clever way to make you look mean, disrespectful, and rude. These are among the time-tested tactics of a passive-aggressive mother-in-law. It would be wise for you to fall into her trap.

# She is great at manipulating her son

She plays the victim successfully and your husband tends to believe her manipulative stories about you. He then always chooses his family over you. She is always scheming against you. To get you to apologize, she will cry, refuse food and sulk for hours when her son is around. She will make you believe that she was trying to stop her son from creating a scene, but in reality, she has created one.

One of our readers shared with Bonobology how her mother-in-law, who suffered from asthma, would always fake an attack whenever she even used a shampoo that she did not approve of, saying it triggered her asthma. The son then blamed the wife for not being considerate enough toward his mother. This is one of the ways how mothers-in-law ruin marriages.

# She seeks you to be perfect

No one can be perfect, but from you, she expects perfection in everything that you do – cooking, decorating, managing the house, or making pickles. She expects you to have inhuman energy and faults you for taking some time off for your recreation. For this, she may keep giving instructions, and instances of how things are done at ‘her’ house. She may also give you examples of her friend’s daughters-in-law, compare you to them and belittle you in the process.

You may start believing that you are not good enough as she sucks the life out of you. “I don’t want a relationship with my mother-in-law,” Revati found herself thinking more often than not when all her attempts of trying to win over her MIL fell short. Who can blame her for wanting to snap the chord when nothing she ever did was good enough for her mother-in-law to even consider her human, let alone be affectionate or respectful toward her.

# She thinks she knows best

From small things like home décor and dinner menu to what you should wear and how you should conduct yourself, she thinks she knows everything. She tends to take important decisions related to your married life without even asking for your opinion because she thinks she knows the best.

One woman wrote to us about how her mother-in-law would make her open her cupboard and show her whether things were kept in neat racks and piles. Dealing with such an overbearing presence in your life can truly be hard. It’s a clear sign of a controlling mother-in-law.

# She doesn’t leave space for privacy

Your controlling mother-in-law may always be around your husband and you. She’d make it a point to accompany you on vacations, interrupt you in quiet times, and even enter your bedroom at odd hours if you’re living under the same roof or close to each other. She will be the other woman in your relationship. This way, you will never get to spend alone time with your husband. The idea of privacy is unknown to her.

“My mother-in-law acts like she is married to my husband”, “My mother-in-law is too attached to my husband” – If this thought has ever crossed your mind, know that it’s her, not you. Don’t beat yourself up about entertaining these thoughts because we know, as well as you do, that an emotionally manipulative mother-in-law leaves you with no other choice.