If you’re dating a guy, it can feel intimidating when you’re not as experienced as him. Whether he has been in more serious relationships than you or has more sexual experiences than you, it can feel like you don’t measure up. We always want to feel good enough for the guy we’re with. We want to know that we are not only living up to his expectations but also exceeding them.
That mindset can make you feel like you have something to prove. It can make you do things you might not be comfortable with in order to measure up. The thing is, when you’re not as experienced as him, it isn’t the end of the world. The uncertainty and fear you have when you’re not as experienced as him can be daunting. There is a stigma that comes with being less versed in dating. Even if you’ve spoken to your boyfriend about your lack of experience, and he seems to understand, you still worry.
Will he think you’re too naive or innocent? Will you be able to please him? Are you mature enough?If he is someone you want to be dating and experience new things with, then none of those things should matter.
# Remember it’s not a competitionYou and your partner do not need to have had the same number of partners for a happy and healthy relationship. You don’t need to have been in a more serious relationship than them either.
There is no rush or pressure to catch up with your partner’s level of experience.
# Most of this is a social constructWhether you are less experienced than your partner sexually or not, almost all dating milestones are a social construct. They mean more to society than they do to your relationship.
You being a virgin or not has nothing to do with this relationship. No matter how the world may make you feel about your choices or experience level, focus on how you feel about it.
# It’s about you and him
When you’re not as experienced as him, you can focus a lot on what you think he wants. You may assume he wants you to know as much as he does. But, this isn’t just about him. It is about both of you, and what makes you both comfortable.
You cannot assume you know what he wants or expects of you. You both must decide where your relationship will go.
# If you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t do it
I always think this is a good rule of thumb. If you are going to have sex, you should be able to talk about it. If you are going to be in a committed relationship, you must be able to discuss your feelings.
So, if you are struggling to even bring up the fact that you’re not as experienced as him, then actually doing anything should take a step back.
# Lean on him for guidance
Take his experience as a blessing. The fact that he has been around the block can actually help you. He can pull from his experiences and guide you to be more comfortable.Now, he shouldn’t be in charge or tell you what to do, but his experience can make your experiences better.
# Don’t be jealous of his past or ashamed of yoursYes, your past matters. Yes, your past is what has made you who you are today. But, don’t put too much weight on it. His past may mean he is more experienced than you, but it doesn’t mean he prefers that to you. It doesn’t mean you can judge him.
Just as you shouldn’t be ashamed of your past, he shouldn’t be ashamed of his.