6 Things You Should Never Say in an Argument

Believe it or not, there’s a right way and wrong way to argue with your significant other. Often, couples resort to tactics that can eventually erode the relationship. Things like name calling, blaming, and ultimatums can turn a simple tiff into a huge fight.

To help you evade unhealthy tactics, here are 6 things you should NEVER say or do when arguing with your significant other:

# That’s stupid./That’s ridiculous

These are dismissive comments, not to mention disrespectful. “They are essentially telling a significant other that their views or feelings aren’t nearly as important as yours,” says Colleen Sheehy Orme, a relationship columnist who focuses on divorce.

# Always/Never

You always do that. You never do this… These kinds of statements are generalizations and are often, let’s admit it, exaggerations.

“These words should never be used while arguing since they’re condemning and a massive and broad generalization,” says Orme.

# You did this same thing last month

Leave the past in the past, says Rachel Perlstein, co-founder of A Good First Date, a dating and relationship coaching and consultation business. “If you’ve already discussed or resolved an issue, don’t bring it up again or make jokes about it casually, as it may still feel vulnerable or result in your partner getting defensive.”

# I’m leaving if

“Ultimatums damage your relationship dynamic because they leave your partner feeling uneasy and unsafe in the partnership,”says Perlstein. “They also don’t provide an opportunity to communicate about the reasons you may be feeling the way you are. If this sounds like you, think about why you’re giving ultimatums.”

# Everyone thinks that you.

Bringing other people into an argument is never a good idea. “It’s not only hurtful but arguments should stay between two people,” says Orme.

# You sound just like my ex

“No matter how mad you are, remember everyone is unique and making comparisons could be offensive,” says Sonya Schwartz, a relationship expert and owner of the relationship blog, Her Aspiration. “If your significant other sounds like your ex, why are you two together anyway?”