A fallout in a friendship can happen due to multiple reasons. Maybe your friend turned out to be a different person altogether. Maybe your differences were really irreconcilable. Or maybe one of you hurt the other irreversibly. My first friendship breakup (yes, I’ve had more than one) resembled a romantic one quite a bit. Things started out great, we were obsessed with each other, life was practically a cute sitcom, and then…
And then I realized how our core values were very, very different. The disagreements increased but we clung to each other fiercely. We were barreling toward a toxic friendship and we knew it. I made the difficult decision of parting ways because it would save us a world of pain in the future. There were two paths ahead – dysfunctional together or healthy apart. Naturally, the latter was a wise choice.
You may have underestimated the effect of the relationship you and your friend shared. A study has revealed how strong social relationships increase our chances of a longer life. Good friendships are associated with lower levels of stress and anxiety, and a long, happy life. No wonder you’re asking how you can get over a friendship breakup.
# Roses are red, you’re down with the blues…You cannot and will not heal unless you acknowledge the wound. Overcoming denial is the first step of recovering from a broken friendship. Allow yourself to feel the messy emotions. Cry, rant, sleep in all day. It’s okay to be all over the place when you’re grieving the end of a friendship.
The problem with losing a friend is that we seldom see it coming. There are warning signs when a girlfriend or boyfriend is about to break up with you, but we never picture a scenario where our best friend isn’t there by our side anymore. Conceiving a life without them seems like a laughable idea…until it actually happens.
# Some serotonin please!The right time to practice self-care is not 3 a.m. on a Wednesday. Self-care ought to be practiced when you’re getting over a breakup. And I don’t mean using a sheet mask or eating comfort foods. Self-care consists of getting your life back on track. It means adopting practices that are good for your physical, mental and spiritual health.
Start going for a walk and eat healthy food. Brownies are okay when you’re grieving, but you gotta get your life back in order at some point, right? Focus on work and take up a new hobby. Leave your house to bask in the sun and get some fresh air. Activities that generate serotonin will be highly beneficial for you.
# Social distancing (and not just for the pandemic)Forcing closure is a mistake most people make. Constantly texting or calling your friend and asking them to meet you so you can ‘sort things out’ is a no-no. You both clearly need some space away from each other, or you wouldn’t be asking how to get over a friendship breakup. Set emotional boundaries and follow them.
If they have unfollowed you on social media, let it be that way. Each individual takes decisions that ensure his own wellbeing. If your friend thinks that a little distance is the way to go, be respectful of their boundaries. On the other hand, if they are the one pestering you, don’t hesitate to block them for a while.
# Don’t be a one-person armyWhile independence and self-sufficiency are commendable, there’s a time and place for them – when you’re suffering emotionally is so not that time and neither is your cave of isolation the place. Please reach out to someone and pour your heart out. This person can be your parent, a friend, or a mental health professional.
Losing your best friend and getting over the breakup can generate a lot of mixed emotions. While processing them is a task only you can complete, others can always make you a cup of tea for comfort. And I’ve found that relaying your experience can sometimes give you the clarity you need. At Bonobology, we offer professional help through out panel of licensed counselors and therapists. Their guidance can help you navigate this tumultuous patch in your life. You can truly count on us.
# Managing the mutualsUghhh, here’s an awkward space that’s tricky to maneuver. Sharing mutuals with an estranged friend is uncomfortable for all parties involved. But you should never make these mutuals pick a side; it’s not the seventh grade, we’re all adults here.
Never badmouth your ex-friend to the mutuals, and always maintain cordiality. Feel free to present your side of the story (if asked), but refrain from unnecessary comments or taunts. Tell your mutual friends that everyone has an individual equation; that you and your ex-friend have parted ways is a singular event that need not involve anyone else.
# (Don’t be a) Bitch, please!Drama queens and kings are annoying in movies, and they’re no more tolerable in reality. Nothing good will come out of dramatizing the breakup. Spreading rumors, telling lies, provoking them needlessly, and spilling secrets shared in confidence are all toxic and petty behaviors.
Don’t be that person. No one likes that person. Take the high road and preserve your integrity at all costs. Going around talking about the broken friendship will make you look undignified. Even if your ex-friend is being immature, don’t stoop to their level.