As your relationship develops and ages, you will probably find yourself being a part of a power struggle with your partner. This happens when you try to maintain a happy and harmonious relationship while still holding onto your sense of identity and independence. Arguments that spawn from things like overspending at IKEA or not offering to help clean the house are indicative of a power struggle. This is because despite being a team, neither party wants to be questioned or told what to do.
Couples involved in power struggles usually fight more, and there is an overall sense of unhappiness in the relationship. Sadly, many couples are unable to work through these issues and end up breaking up.
Before taking that extreme step, you need to do all you can to resolve this struggle. You also have to determine whether the problems you’re facing run deeper than you may have initially thought. You may be dealing with issues that are far larger than a mere power struggle, but once you sort them out, you will be able to maintain a healthy relationship.
# Set new goals
When both parties have nothing new to work towards, they end up picking on each other in a bid to “improve” things. This is when discord occurs. Once you set new goals and work towards them together, you will find that the little things are all part and parcel of being in a relationship and that there are bigger things to worry about.
# Stop manipulating each other
Another way to overcome the power struggle in a relationship is to stop manipulating each other. You are a team and need to operate as such. You should also realize that there is no right or wrong side when trying to make things work. There is no need for competition, no need to one-up each other, and certainly no need to resort to lying.
# Communicate oftenIf your partner does something that bothers you, don’t resort to a shouting match. Be calm about it and communicate like adults. For example, if your husband lets your teen daughter off for breaking curfew when you clearly stated that she should be grounded, don’t argue with each other. Let it go and have a civil conversation about working as a team and not as individuals.
# Make the rules and roles clear
The best way to end a power struggle in a relationship is to clearly establish who does what. This way, there will be little room for argument, and both parties will have tasks to focus on without the need to invade each other’s territories or jobs. Be sure to stick to it, though, and don’t nitpick because that’s when you will fall back into your old ways of struggling and arguing with each other.
For example, Andrea will do the cooking and cleaning, and Tommy will be in charge of the kids’ carpooling and groceries. Sure, they can help each other out, but under no circumstances should one party try to hijack and take control of what the other is doing.
# Observe other couples
The only way to learn is to observe other couples who look like they have it all figured out. Don’t be embarrassed to ask them for tips. I’m sure that others aren’t perfect, but there is no harm in learning a thing or two from them. It may just give you an idea of how to tackle your unique power struggle.
# Seek professional helpDon’t be afraid to seek professional help, as these individuals are specifically trained to help couples work through issues such as these. Counselors and therapists are a goldmine of tips and tricks, and seeing one will do your relationship a whole world of good. Plus, it’s a good idea to have an unbiased third party to act as the referee.