There is no hard and fast rule for seduction. You could read all the guides in the world on the subject and still be left entirely in the dark, if you aren’t willing or able to administer a little common sense to the proceedings – and in the field of seduction, nowhere should common sense be put to better use than in observing the established boundaries.
Essentially, in any area of human interaction, there are social boundaries that we all need to observe in order to maintain the interactional status quo. These could relate to physical and/or spatial awareness, or an awareness of the right level of conversation, or even whether conversation is appropriate at any given time.
As human beings, we rely upon a number of socio-cultural cues and props, and by that latter term I mean specific environments and situations that allow levels of interaction that aren’t usual. This reliance allows you to get the interactions right. Getting them wrong can catapult you in people’s perceptions from harmless gent to potential sociopath, in a matter of seconds.
# The right time and placePotentially, if the signs are right, you can attempt flirting anywhere or any time. However, there are usually occasions when it really is better just to desist. An extreme example of this would be at a funeral. Has anyone ever done this? I bet some creep out there somewhere has. But can you imagine anything less appropriate or creepier than trying to get someone’s telephone number, as the dearly departed lies in a coffin only yards away?
Less extreme, but a more common faux pas, is trying to strongly flirt with a woman, when there are no other people around. In this situation, she’s more likely to reach for a can of mace than her telephone number! Being a charmer rather than a creep has a lot to do with approaching a woman who wants to be approached in an environment and manner that is absolutely non-threatening. Get that wrong and the creep label is all yours for the taking.
# Getting the signals right
There’s a bit of an art to interpreting the signals given off by a woman to indicate whether she is open to a bit of flirting, and we’re not going to get it right every time. However, there a few tried and tested ways to establish approachability, and body language especially can be a powerful indicator of this.
Positive signals: Turning her body towards you. Turning her feet towards you. Maintaining prolonged eye contact. Looking at your mouth occasionally. Flicking her hair. Licking her lips.
Negative signals: Turning away from you. Avoiding any kind of eye contact. Playing nervously with her hair. Establishing a sensory barrier such as putting headphones or sunglasses on.
# Keep content appropriate
If you do manage to get yourself into a
conversation with the woman you have been eyeing up all evening, then
you can congratulate yourself on getting this far. What you don’t want
to do at this stage is then spoil it all by launching upon a series of
unadulterated sexual innuendos, and creep her out with immediate and
irreversible effect. Keep your conversation polite and any innuendos,
subtle and infrequent.
# Eye contactSpecifically, the eye contact that you, the gentleman, establishes has to be of the right caliber and by this I am referring to duration. Eye contact is essentially a good thing. It shows confidence and strength of character, as well as purpose. However, locking eye contact without pause or break is more reminiscent of Jack the Ripper than Jack the Lad.
If the sole purpose of your evening is to be carried away screaming with your two most valuable possessions taking up new residence somewhere in the vicinity of your larynx, then do please carry on. Otherwise, you might want to tone things down a little, and turn the staring competition into a gently insistent glance or two. Far less creepy.
# Be naturalThis follows on from number five. Rehearsed moves, an adopted swagger, cheesy one-liners, etc., are all things that should be consigned solely to the 1970s. We live in a different world nowadays. People are far more aware than they used to be, and women generally just don’t put up with that kind of behavior any more. Be yourself, react naturally and honestly, and resist the urge to be anything that you are not. Adopted personas are obvious, juvenile and downright creepy.