6 Ways To Help You Deal With Disrespectful In Laws

Having a tainted and strained relationship with toxic in-laws can be a harmful influence on your marriage. In-laws can be a real pain, especially if you notice your marriage deteriorating due to their negative influence. If your in-laws are rude, discourteous, cheeky and manipulative, there are bound to be issues and they will squeeze the happiness from your marriage and your life.

Whether you’re trying to deal with a rude father-in-law, manipulative mother-in-law, or sister-in-law who doesn’t understand boundaries, the key is to assert yourself firmly without coming off as rude. How does that translate into tangible actions? Find out these 10 ways to deal with disrespectful in-laws:

# Unite as a couple

If your in-laws try to pit you and your spouse against each other for the pettiest of issues, you need to ensure that you are in this together. You cannot really control what your horrible in-laws say or do, but you can regulate your reactions to those things, as a couple.

Improve communication in your relationship so that you can talk to your spouse candidly about how their behavior has been affecting your life, your marriage and the family as a whole. Have a frank conversation with your spouse, telling him the good, the bad and the ugly that has been happening behind his back between you and your disrespectful in-laws.

# Be firm and stand your ground while dealing with disrespectful in-laws

How to deal with disrespectful in-laws? By letting them know early on that you’re not someone they can walk all over. Stand your ground firmly and do not budge an inch on matters that are truly important to you. This will prevent your disrespectful in-laws from having their way.

If you feel like giving up because they are elders, remind yourself that you too are an adult and can handle things effectively, your own way. Do not budge an inch if you are sure of what you are doing. After you stand up for yourself a few times, your abusive in-laws may just get the message and stop pushing you their way.

# Set boundaries

Simply put, draw the line. If your in-laws have a habit to drop by unexpectedly, and you end up canceling your plans as a couple all the time, set boundaries so that your space as a couple is respected. Appreciate their concern, that they will likely disguise their interference as, but communicate in clear terms that you’d like to handle things your way, and on your own.

Setting boundaries with in-laws can be tricky since they may choose to ignore them completely or take it as an insult. That’s why it’s imperative to reiterate and enforce these boundaries consistently. For instance, you may need to reiterate that you don’t appreciate being spoken to in a certain manner to deal with a rude father-in-law. Or stop engaging with him, if he continues to use harsh words despite being told that you do not appreciate this line of communication.

# Limit your interaction with your disrespectful in-laws

If your in-laws intentionally do or say things that hurt you and get under your skin more often than you’d like, it is evident that they don’t like you. Perhaps, your mother-in-law hates you for some reason or your sister-in-law feels insecure by your inclusion in the family.

Obviously, these toxic in-laws cannot process their feelings like mature adults and intentionally do or say things to pinch you where it hurts the most. While the probable advice would be to talk to them one-on-one, chances are you will be likely labeled as overly sensitive.

# Only spend time with disrespectful in-laws when your spouse is present

Your spouse needs to be in the center of all the activity that involves your abusive in-laws. He needs to take a lead in talking to his family; grabbing the bull by its horns, so to say. Because he is the connection between you and his family, make sure you do not spend time with your in-laws during his absence.

His presence would mean fewer issues, plus he will be able to manage any issues that arise. Likely, the presence of the son will keep your disrespectful in-laws in check, and they will not be able to take digs at you as easily. You will also feel less vulnerable. Whether it is family dinners or weekends together, agree to any plans with your in-laws only if your husband is going to be present.

# Don’t take loans or favors from in-laws, and don’t extend them as well

How to deal with disrespectful in-laws? One of the simplest answers to this seemingly unresolvable conundrum is to keep them at an arm’s length in every way possible. That includes not asking for or extending any favor to them. For instance, if you don’t get along well with your spouse’s sister, don’t accept any lavish gifts or agree to help her out financially. The less involved you are in each other’s lives, the easier it will be to deal with a disrespectful sister-in-law.

Financial or otherwise, any favors, gifts, etc. often come with strings attached. You should not owe anything to people who disrespect you and are never nice to you. When you exchange gifts or favors, you complicate the power dynamics of control at play by adding financial stress to the equation, and one side will generally end up crushing the other under the weight of gratitude. Have a no-gift or minimum gifts policy even for festivals and special occasions.