6 Ways To Help You Fix a Broken Marriage and Save It

When a marriage is going through a rough phase, divorce is not always seen as the obvious choice. Even in abusive marriages, spouses hold on to the hope that their partners will change and they will be able to save their marriage. All they need is the answer to “how to fix a broken marriage alone”.

“The major underlying, and fixable, problem is that very few people are “naturals” for marriage. So, all of this has to be learned. Otherwise, you will be flapping your arms in very creative ways, but you will never get off the ground.

# Understand where things went wrong

A successful marriage is a constant work in progress. You have to put in a lot of effort to keep your marriage vibrant, something not many people understand. A marriage falters when there is a lack of communication, when the love and affection dry up, or there is a crisis. Infidelity affects a marriage adversely too.

But if you want to fix a broken marriage and stop a divorce, you will have to first understand where your relationship went downhill and why it is worth saving. An American Psychological Association finding states that 20-40% of divorces in the United States happen because of infidelity. But the report also says that 50% of the unfaithful partners are still married.

# Do away with negative beliefs and look within

She won’t listen to my viewpoint.” “He won’t help me with the chores; he is a lazy husband.” Such firm, negative beliefs about each other can erode the very foundation of marriage without either partner realizing it. So, rather than clinging to these beliefs, work to change them.

Once you recognize and acknowledge that you too have contributed to the deterioration of the quality of the relationship, it becomes easier to cut your spouse some slack for their perceived flaws or shortcomings.

# Reinvent yourself and don’t be rigid

If you want to fix a marriage that is falling apart, then you have to look at yourself first. Change is the greatest constant in life, and this change not only affects us as human beings but our relationships as well.

When your marriage is ten years old, you have changed not only physically but also mentally. You could have climbed up the ladder of success, become busy, gotten a bit arrogant, developed stronger opinions…and all that may have crept into the relationship.

# Get over emotional overwhelm to renew trust and respect

Trust is lost if infidelity happens or if you simply have a lying spouse. Trying to fix your marriage when trust is broken can be especially hard. The partner who has had their trust broken can feel overwhelmed by a sense of betrayal, anger and hurt.

Similarly, the spouse who has been lying or cheating may have their own set of negative emotions, such as a lack of fulfillment or anger over past unresolved issues.

# Positives of the relationship vis-a-vis individual limitations

In the midst of paying those bills, shopping for groceries, paying the house mortgage, looking after the kids, and arguing incessantly, we often forget the positives in our own relationship. We keep harping on the negatives and think that the marriage is falling apart.

Even if you want to fix a broken marriage alone, then put all the positives of your marriage in a diary and look at it every day as a reminder of what you already have.

# Pinpoint what you are fighting about

Sometimes fights become a part of a marriage and then go on to become so routine, that after a point in time, you don’t even know what you are fighting about. Remember that huge fight you had that started from complaining about the in-laws, but somehow landed on how you two never consult each other while making decisions? Conflict resolution goes out the window.

There is some difference of opinion and the next moment, the tempers fly. The fights could range from something as trivial as the temperature of the air-conditioner or who would make the bed in the morning to something more serious like a spouse’s incessant texting in the middle of the night.