True story, my worst date was with a guy I met on an online dating site. Though take note, this has nothing to do against online dating sites as I also met my now fiancé on one. Within the first 20 minutes, the guy ordered red wine, oysters, let me know he recently dated a stripper because he liked ‘helping’ people (he was a doctor), that I reminded him of Natalie Portman in the movie ‘Garden State’, and then excused himself to the bathroom for a good 30 minutes.
I know he meant the whole Garden State comment as a dig, but I took it as a huge compliment because it just so happens to be one of my all time favorite movies! Seriously. I wanted to tell him he reminded me of the “Craigslist Killer,” but I bit my tongue.
Have you ever been on a bad date like this? Don’t you wish there was an eject button that could instantly transport you to anywhere outside of a ten-mile radius from the person you’re with?
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Planned emergency phone call
This one is pretty well known when it comes to going on a date with someone new. Make sure to let a friend know that if you text her your “secret code,” it means she is supposed to call your phone ASAP, begging for you to come to her right away, because there has been an emergency.
This one also never fails. I mean, your best friend was in your life way before your date was, and you could never leave your BFF stranded during an emergency, so your date has to understand how dire of a situation this is! Hopefully, he’ll also get the hint you’re not into him because of how universally known this tactic is. And if he doesn’t, well, that’s a “stage-5 clinger” situation, and well, we’ll just save that discussion for another day.
# Be disgustingDepending on your personality type, you’ll either find this tip amazing or completely unimaginable. It will also depend on how miserable you are on your date. There is probably nothing more disgusting to a guy than a girl talking about anything to do with it currently being that time of the month for you, talking about having a heavy period, or anything to do with having to use the restroom.
If you really want to turn your date off, talk about how you have to basically change your tampon every 20 minutes, or how you accidentally crapped your pants when you farted, or make up something else so vile that whenever he looks at you now, he’ll only be able to see the image you’ve created in his mind. You know, the image of you basically replacing Melissa McCarthy in “Bridesmaids.”
Using this strategy will end your bad date real quick. If you don’t care that he forever remembers you as the “crap girl” or “bloody tampon girl,” and if you aren’t worried that he tells his friends about you, then this is a great technique.
# Use work because it works
If you are currently employed
in any kind of work, this one is a great, easy, and much less grotesque
way to get yourself out of a miserable date. Maybe he wants to order
another glass of wine, or maybe he’s eating his food really, really,
really slow. These moments are great for you to throw in the old “I hate
to have to do this, but I just got an email from my boss telling me to
be in the office an hour earlier than normal” or “I have to go. Just
got an email that the deadline for this project is tonight at midnight!”
# Be a ghostThis is when you disappear and don’t come back. You should say something along the lines of how you have to use the restroom, or you have to make a really important phone call. Then you get up, walk away, and remove yourself from the table, and from his sight. Then you should wait about 5 minutes, and leave. Make sure you have a friend on standby waiting to pick you up outside.
Now, this part is very important: you must eventually be sure to let him know you’ve left, roughly at around the 30 minute mark! Seriously. You do not want him to actually start worrying about your safety, and get the cops involved and file a missing person’s report.
# Have another date lined up
There’s nothing wrong with having a backup. People have backup phones, backup purses, backup drives, backup plans, so by all means, have a backup date! To make it even easier on you, tell your secondary option that you will text him at around 8pm to meet you at whatever restaurant you know you’ll be at. By doing this, you’re already assuming you’ll need an exit strategy. But if you are enjoying your first date, then you’ll still need text your second option at 8pm, letting him know that you need to reschedule.
What better way to get out of an awful date, than having another date show up and crash the party? I’m pretty sure that your first date will get the hint you are just not interested, and when he asks, you’ll just tell your second date “Oh, he’s just a friend I ran into while waiting for you to get here, so we grabbed a drink real fast!” He’ll never think twice.
# Make the menu your best friendIf you use this strategy, come hungry and thirsty. Actually, you don’t really have to be hungry or thirsty, just make sure he thinks you are. Become a food critic, someone who wants to literally try everything on the menu.
Order the filet, chips and salsa, the cheese balls, the Cobb and beet salad, the duck, the tuna sandwich, and whatever else your little heart desires. Chew with your mouth open, chug your drink and you’ll make him wonder if you’ve got a bottomless pit for a stomach. He’ll probably ditch you before you ask for the dessert menu.