So, of all the studies that they have done about the success, or lack thereof, of relationships, one proven favorite is the theory of equity. In essence, it is that a relationship is most successful if each partner feels as if they receive their fair share. If you find you give more than receive, you might be wondering how to pull back in a relationship.
There are all sorts of reasons, in addition to the theory of equity, why you would want to take a step back to give you both air to breathe. But, ignoring what your heart tells you by pulling your emotions back is usually easier said than done.
The problem is that if you feel inequity, they probably do too. The last thing you want to do is to either invest way more than you should or overwhelm them to the point where you lose them.
# Think with your head, not your heart
One of the hardest things to do is to take the emotion out of something. But, if you want to pull back in a relationship, then separate your emotions and think about each situation rationally. Instead of chasing them when they blow you off, blow them off right back.
If you stop reaching out to them with desperation and put things into practical terms, then you make a lot better decisions. Before you take action, ask yourself what you want to happen and how you would handle someone else who treated you the way your partner does.
If there wasn’t so much emotion and history wrapped up, would you behave the same way? Talk through your actions in your head and ask your heart to take a back seat for a while.
# Do what you love oftenIf you want to back off in a relationship, then find the things that you love to do and let them distract you. If you are too wound up in a union, it is easy to make it the center point of your life.
It creates a whole lot of drama that doesn’t need to be. Just for one day, do what you love and don’t give any thought to your significant other. If you make it through one day, then try for two. You will be amazed at how happy you make yourself when you stop trying to make someone else responsible for your happiness.
# Call your partner in crimeIf you want to pull back, then call your partner in crime to take some time off. We all have that one friend who never gets tired of hearing us bitch and also gets us out of bitch mode to have some fun.
The best way to pull back and discover if your relationship is really what you want is to remember what it is like to have fun without the person who makes your life so complex right now.
# Stay busy! The best way to stop obsessing about a relationship that isn’t going exactly as you want is to find something else to occupy your time. Move over thoughts and anxiety surrounding your relationship.
If you find yourself making a mountain out of a molehill, worrying too much about where you stand, where you are going, or what is going on, distract yourself by finding something to do to take your mind off of it.
Distraction is the best medicine. Get lost in a book, hit the gym, or just catch dinner with a friend. There is always safety in numbers when you look to find some distance in a relationship.
# Focus on you by making a goal
If you want know how to pull back in a relationship and create distance, then find a goal to focus on. Instead of focusing on a relationship that creates anxiety for you, find something else to throw all that wasted energy into.
If you have a goal in mind and are determined to meet it, then whatever goes on in your relationship seems minuscule and a huge waste of time. Keep your eyes on the prize and let your relationship issues work themselves through instead of trying to control them yourself.
# Sit back and let them come to youIf you are always the one looking for answers, chasing them or wanting more, then it is time to take a back seat. Sometimes the hardest thing is drawing a line in the sand and keeping it.
We always find reasons to cross back over and let them take control. But, if you really want to pull back and create distance, then set boundaries for yourself and for them. Let them pursue you for once while you focus on staying strong.