To be honest, I used to find that being critical and judgmental is far simpler and way more fun than making the effort to actually help someone out of a jam. I’m sure that many of you feel the same way. It’s also way more fun to sit around with friends and bitch about others than to discuss global events. From gossiping about what he said and she did, to complaining about neighbors being bad parents for letting their kids watch television at 11 pm, I was guilty of being a very critical person.
With that being said, a massive change in mentality and lifestyle, as well as surrounding myself with positive people made me realize that being critical was simply my way of compensating for my flaws. I convinced myself that I could somehow tell when someone else’s life was far worse than mine, giving me the power to criticize and let them know that I could do it better. Talk about making up for one’s shortcomings, eh?
# EmpathizeBefore criticizing or judging anyone, put yourself in their shoes. There has to be a reason why they’re behaving in a certain manner, and if you can’t come up with plausible reasons why, you shouldn’t judge. Everyone has their reasons for doing something. Whether they are pursuing happiness and not caring about what others think, or they are doing something for someone else at their own expense, you don’t have the right to judge, if you don’t know why they’re doing it.
Sure, there are some things that are inherently wrong and don’t need any questioning, such as animal poaching, child trafficking, rape and other criminal issues, but seriously, how many animal poachers and child traffickers do you have in your inner circle anyway? Unless it’s a crime and there’s a clear-cut right side and wrong side, do everyone a favor and stop being so critical of their life choices.
# You’re not the boss of themRemember that you’re not the boss of them. Nothing gives you the right to tell someone else that you know better than them. Unless you’re the foremost expert in molecular neurobiology, specializing in quantitative particles or something along those lines, you have no right to tell someone that they’re living their life all wrong. Even so, you should only be preaching about issues related to molecular neurobiology, specializing in quantitative particles.
So unless you really know what you’re saying and doing, you truly don’t know any better than the next person, giving you zero right to judge someone else. Remember that it’s their life to live, not yours and no matter how much you care for this person, being critical isn’t going to get either of you anywhere.
# Get all the facts firstBefore going on an all-out rampage to shove someone off the path that they have chosen to take, get all your facts straight. Most of the time, we judge people without knowing the whole story. For example, Winnie and Natasha were gossiping about Seldon’s girlfriend, claiming that a mutual friend had seen her out and about with another guy.
They bad mouthed her to the point that everyone within their social circle knew what had happened, and in typical “blind leading the blind” fashion, everyone was outraged at her cheating ass. Little did they know that Seldon and she had already broken up months ago, and the guy she was with was her cousin.
If the snide gossip queens had taken the time and effort to speak to Seldon before declaring war, they could have saved everyone a whole lot of unnecessary drama. All that this situation has done is seal their fates as gossip mongers and tarnish their reputation.
# Replace criticism with praise
Another way to be less critical of those around you is to try your level best to replace criticism with praise, or at least try to tone down the brutal truth. There’s no need for you to hurt anyone’s feelings and to bring them down.
Instead of saying, “That dress has too many sequins, and it makes you look like a disco ball” , you should say, “Wow, you’re certainly shining bright like a diamond tonight! I’m glad I won’t lose you on the dance floor.” It states the facts without being mean, so you don’t have to worry about lying to those you care about just to make them feel better.
# Be more positive
Another way to be less critical is to instill positivity in yourself. Before saying something, ask yourself what your statement will do to this person. If it will bring them down, don’t say it, but if it will lift them up, then go for it.
It is a fact that when you’re happy, you tend to have less nasty things to say about others. The fact that you’re feeling great about yourself will make you feel more inclined to pass on the good vibes through compliments and affirmative statements. Always opt to lift people up instead of tearing them down.
# Know the difference between criticism and adviceIt is also very important for you to know the difference between being critical and offering advice to those you care about. Being critical is when you inundate someone with all the negatives, without offering them help. Advice, on the other hand, is the same thing, but you make the additional effort to positively support and help the person make things right.
For example, being critical is when you berate your best friend for going back to the guy who cheated on her, and in the process make her feel even more lousy about her situation. Being supportive, on the other hand, entails you berating her but giving her advice on how to make it out alive.