Suffering from the Peter Pan syndrome of not wanting to grow up and keeping all your good friends close is normal. However, there’s a reason why Peter’s in Neverland and we’re here on planet Earth. Reality beckons, and as painful as it is, we will lose friends along the way even those whom we thought would never leave our sides.
From your high school buddy, to college roommate, to desk mate at your first job, to your next door neighbor whom you’ve known your whole life, we all have that special friend who has been through it all with us. They have held our hand through everything: deaths in the family, graduations, breakups, first house party, and every major milestone that comes along.
Then one of you moves away for work. One of you gets married. One of you has kids. One of you goes on a soul-searching retreat to India and comes back transformed. The calls get fewer and farther between. You stop updating one another. You sense a wedge between you.
# You don’t meet up as often
Like looking after a house plant, friendships take effort, care, and love if you want to keep them alive. A sign that you’re drifting apart is not meeting up as often as you should. Sure, reality gets in the way and you’re both busy, but if you can’t make time for each other, then that’s your first warning sign.
Live in different cities? In different countries? On different planets? There’s always Skype. If you can’t make time for that, either—Houston, we have a problem. [Read: The real reason why friends drift away and why you can’t do anything about it]
# You don’t chat anymoreYou don’t have to physically be together to stay best friends. Chatting doesn’t necessarily have to happen over Sunday brunch. There are a myriad of ways to keep in touch. From text messaging, to phone calls, to emails, to Skype, you are spoiled for choice when it comes to forms of communication.
If you don’t chat anymore, it’s not because you can’t, but rather, because you don’t want to.
# The ‘just to say hi’ calls have stoppedAll it takes is a simple phone call to catch up with your best friend. Whether it’s a quick hello during your lunch break, or a super long 3 AM session, keeping the lines of communication open is very important. If that’s not in place, how can you call each other best friends?
# Facebook knows more about his/her life than you
Didn’t know she was taking that work trip to Mexico? Had no idea he was dating someone new? Once Facebook, or other people for that matter, start informing you of your best friend’s life events, you know you have a major problem.
# They share your secrets with othersBest friends are supposed to be amazing secret-keepers, but once your special someone blabs your problems to others, you can scratch them off the “best friend” list. The same goes for you. If you find yourself participating in petty gossip with others, and sharing private conversations between you and your BFF, you’re certainly in the wrong.
# You start feeling jealousFriends are supposed to be happy for one another. Whether your BFF moved away, made new friends, bought a new car, found a hot lover, or got promoted way above you, once you start feeling jealous and resentful, you can take it as a sign that the friendship is on the rocks.
Sure, feeling jealous is normal, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting more than what you have, but if you resent your BFF for succeeding in areas where you don’t, they are your nemesis and no longer your best buddy.
# You sense competition between youThere’s nothing wrong with a little friendly competition between you two, as it’ll push you to be better. However, you should be able to tell when it gets out of hand. When you’re always trying to one up each other or prove that you’re better, that’s where the problem lies.