Have you ever wondered how to make eye contact without it just turning a little bit weird? Use these tips to avoid a staring battle!
Understanding how to make eye contact has always been one of those things that you must learn, because it’s just so awkward when you attempt it.
For instance, you see someone you like and really want them to notice you.The only way to do that is try and make eye contact, right? That’s what we’re constantly told anyway. When you do so, they’re not sure whether you’re looking at them or not, and why. So, if you turn away because you feel a little shy and unsure, then they misunderstand and assume you’re not interested. In the end, nobody asks anyone out. We’re all stuck back at square one.
The other outcome is that you simply don’t know how to make eye contact properly and end up coming over as just a little bit weird. You know what I mean. Rather than a subtle glance followed up by a coy smile, you just stare. Literally just stare. It’s awkward. The longer it goes on, the more awkward it becomes until it’s just downright weird.
# Build up your eye contact slowly
Do not go straight in with long, lingering glances. This is where you easily roam into weird territory. Instead, start small and slowly and build up. A quick glance towards the apple of your eye then look away.
Leave it a few minutes and do it again, but this time look for a little longer and just a few seconds more. They’ll quickly catch on to the fact that you’re actually trying to get their attention.
# Make sure you actually look them in the eyeI totally understand that looking directly into someone’s eyes can be very awkward. It can make you want to just look away quickly, but it’s far better than staring at their nose or their forehead.
They’re going to assume you’re looking at a newly arrived pimple or you simply can’t believe how big their nose is. If it’s really too much for you, focus just slightly to one side of their eyes. That way, they’ll be none the wiser. And bonus, you don’t feel as awkward about it.
# Establish eye contact for about four seconds
Once you’re pretty sure that you have the person’s attention, how long should you hold eye contact? When learning how to make eye contact, it’s best to wait for no longer than five seconds before you look away.
I’ll talk about how to do that in a second, but anything longer than five seconds is just creepy. Even five seconds feels like an eternity when you’re hyperaware of it!
# Look away slowlyWhen you look away, don’t do it quickly or as though you’ve caught yourself doing something you shouldn’t. Instead, look away slowly, perhaps with a coy smile. It signals to the other person what you’re trying to do. Learning how to make eye contact is about helping the other person understand your intentions without words.
It’s also about making them feel like you’re paying attention to them. If you look away too fast, you might come over as shy or scared. That’s not the look we’re going for here!
# Show some kind of gesture to break it upMaintaining eye contact for too long isn’t a good idea. You don’t want them to think you’ve just changed your mind about them and moved on. In that case, before you look away, make some kind of gesture. I mentioned a coy smile, but there are other ways to do this, such as a beckoning with your head, e.g. come here and talk to me, a wink, a cheeky grin, or a shrug to say ‘I’m trying here, and I’m not great at it!”
# Know how long to maintain eye contact when talking
When you actually have a conversation with this person, mix up your eye contact a little. You cannot look at them the entire time you’re talking, it’s weird. Don’t do it.
The general rule is that when you’re having a conversation with someone, you should keep eye contact for about half the time. For the rest of the time you look away. However, when you’re listening to another person maintain eye contact for little longer, to show them that you’re actually paying attention. In that case, around three-quarters of the time should do it.
# Don’t forget to blink.Have you ever been speaking to someone or had someone trying to get your attention and they stare at you without blinking? They assume this is effective, but, to me, it’s actually quite scary. For this reason, when you’re learning how to make eye contact, remember to blink! It makes the whole thing more natural and takes away the creepy vibes!
Also, be aware of what your body language is saying. You can make eye contact, but if you’re grimacing because you’re feeling awkward, your original intentions won’t translate well to the other person! Be as relaxed as possible and maintain an easygoing smile if possible.