Take it from Buddha, the master of zen.
He said, Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. So, why hold on to the miserable feeling? It will do you no good.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you should not be angry. Anger is natural because it alerts us that we’re feeling something that we likely don’t want to be feeling.
However, it can be destructive when you don’t know how to express it properly. There’s a huge risk that you will be consumed by it and lose the ability to think clearly.Think of self-combustion. Now, that’s not a pretty sight, isn’t it?
So here are 7 tried-and-true methods for letting go of your anger before it can get the best of you:
# Recognize the source of your angerRecognize the reason why you are angry and try to determine the cause.
Ask yourself if the cause is something that you can control or is it out of your hands? Is it caused by a person, a family member/friend or someone who you will never see again, such as a grocery clerk or a server at a restaurant?The best strategy to implement is to express your anger directly in a calm and appropriate tone. Next is to restructure your thoughts, relax, and get out of the situation.
# Practice relaxation techniquesUsing simple relaxation techniques can help in soothing your angry feelings. If you learn and practice these strategies often, it’s easier for you to control your emotions. Because there are a lot of relaxation techniques out there, you have to find which one works best for you. One technique to relax that I personally love involves focusing on your breathing.How much attention do you pay to the way you breathe?
If you’re like most people, then probably not a lot. We usually just let our body do the job and completely forget about it.
# Take a brief time outWhen you feel that anger is building up inside you, take a brief time out.If you’re talking to someone, simply excuse yourself. You can walk away and take a few minutes to gather your thoughts and release negative emotions.
A lot of people say things they don’t mean when they’re mad. So take this time to think about how you want to respond before you speak.
# Own your angerIn order to control your anger, you need to acknowledge it first. By doing so, you learn how to control it before it starts to control you. To do this, you need to accept the emotion. Remind yourself that you are strong enough to control and get over it. Remember that you can choose between making it worse and make it disappear. It will only get as bad as you allow it to.
It is up to you to own your anger and address it in order to move on. Needless to say, you are the only one who can control your own feelings.
# Get daily exerciseSometimes, the cause of our anger is stress. When stress gets piled up, we become very irritable, thus we get angry immediately.
One of the most effective ways to reduce your anger and stress is to get daily exercise. Physical exercise, such as walking and running, gives you a chance to release your emotions.
Exercise also increases the release of endorphins in our body, according to a study. Thus, it will naturally make you feel better and reduce your stress levels.
# Find workable solutionsDo not focus on whatever triggered your anger. Instead, you can work on finding a solution to the issue at hand.
Instead of staying angry, why not try to do something about it? The best way is to find a workable solution to the things that make you angry.Also, you have to recognize the things that are out of your control. Sometimes, there are things that you cannot change and you just have to accept that.If you know what you can control, you can use your limited energy effectively. The time you waste trying to change situations that are out of your control can only make you frustrated.
# Take responsibilityIf you are constantly angry, will you take responsibility for overcoming it? I think taking responsibility is the most powerful attribute we can possess in life.Because the reality is that YOU are ultimately responsible for everything that happens in your life, including for your happiness and unhappiness, successes and failures, and for whether or not you are an angry person.
I want to briefly share with you how taking responsibility has transformed my own life, including how I overcame my own anger.Did you know that 6 years ago I was anxious, angry, and working every day in a warehouse? I was stuck in a hopeless cycle and had no idea how to get out of it.