8 Habits of Husbands That Destroy Their Marriage

Nobody says marriage is easy, but no one ever tells you how hard it can get. And the only way you can find out is by experiencing it yourself. Yet marriages that do not make it have one noticeable pattern. According to a study, 69% of divorces were initiated by women, whereas men initiated 31% of them.

The same study explains that these numbers are due to the fact that the marriage institution is lagging behind in coming to terms with the shifting gender roles. Women still do the bulk of the household chores, childcare, and the emotional labor in the marriage. Since more and more women are becoming financially independent, they are choosing to opt-out of such marriages. Below is a list of things husbands do that create hurdles in their marriage.

# Not being expressive with their partner

In most relationships, conversations dwindle after a while and this lack of communication is one of the things that destroys a marriage. No one says you need to talk about every single moment in your day. But do air out your thoughts and opinions on matters of import.

“Too exhausted to go on that dinner date? Say it. Can’t stand your job? Tell her. Does she look ravishing in that dress? Let her know” Suggests Samindara. It cannot possibly be emphasized enough how crucial communication is in a relationship. Keeping quiet and assuming that your partner knows or understands everything is one of the worst things husbands do to destroy their marriage.

# Not spending quality time with their partner

Spending quality time is so important that quality time is a love language of its own. Spending quality time doesn’t mean you need to cling to your partner like a baby koala 24*7. Instead, whatever little time you do spend together, make sure your partner is your only focus. You could be doing date nights every week but if you are on the phone throughout, then you’re not spending quality time together.

# Being selfish kills a marriage

While juggling career, kids, and family, it is natural that you are the last thing on your own mind. This is where a life partner comes into the picture. A partner is supposed to support you when you are at your wits’ end or weary to the bone. And there is nothing more heartbreaking than when you realize you are the last thing on your partner’s mind as well.

32-year-old women was tired by her husband's unyielding attitude. Be it the vacation venue or the bed sheets or the color of the walls or the food they ate, they were all according to his taste. My husband wants everything his way and my opinions never mattered. I began to feel inconsequential and I went into depression. Fortunately, my counselor made me talk about it to my husband and now I see him make a serious effort to change his ways.

# Trying to fix their spouse

Growing together is a sign of a healthy relationship. And when your partner is supportive of you and helps you grow into a better version of yourself, then there is nothing more you can ask for. However, there is a fine line between pushing your partner to do their best and nitpicking everything about them. Unfortunately, quite often, men forget this line altogether and it becomes one of the hurtful things husbands do to destroy a marriage.

No one is perfect. And it is this combination of imperfections and perfections that makes a unique individual. While it is good to encourage your partner to be the best version of themselves, expecting them to adhere to your vision of perfection and constantly pointing out their flaws is a habit that destroys a marriage. The confidence of the affected spouse takes a major hit.

# Ignoring their partner’s insecurities

All of us have insecurities. Be it looks, financial standing, or self-worth. If your partner opens up to you about their insecurities, and instead of being validated, they are mocked or ignored, then these habits of a husband ruin everything.

Validating your partner’s feelings and experience helps build emotional security in the relationship. It will build your partner’s self-worth and make the bond between you two stronger. Ignoring, denying, or downplaying their insecurities kills love in a marriage. Men often do this playfully, just to tease you, yet these are the things husbands do to destroy a marriage.

# Not involving spouses in financial decisions

Paula, a 25-year-old teacher, says “ There are many instances of financial conflicts in my marriage. My husband wants everything his way. He is not even willing to talk about his finances and it can get quite worrisome. I am not aware of our credit scores or if he has any debts or if I am liable to pay off any of his loans.

“Whenever I do try to have this conversation, he is quick to shut me down and tells me I don’t need to bother him with such questions. That makes me feel worse. Such actions of my husband ruin everything.”

# Lowered quality of sex kills a marriage

While sex is not the most important criterion to make a relationship work, studies suggest that couples who have a good sex life have happier and stronger relationships. Intimacy builds a good sex life, and sex further helps build intimacy in a marriage. However, with time, in long-standing relationships frequency of sex decreases and in some cases, it can become a tad monotonous too. But it is very important to keep the spark alive.

“A couple should talk to each other about how can they be better lovers and try to spice things up in the bedroom,” suggests Samindara. “You see a lot of couples for whom sex is just one of the things that they need to get over with. They stop caring about the needs and pleasures of their partner. As long as they are satisfied, they don’t give their partner’s satisfaction much thought. This kind of mindset is the thing that destroys a marriage.”

# Not taking responsibility

Possibly one of the most damaging things husbands do to destroy their marriage is, not to take responsibility. Be it responsible for their actions, for household chores, or for proper parenting. A study conducted in 2019 reported that on an average day in 2018, 20% of men did housework, compared with 49% of women. This kind of indifferent and callous behavior kills a marriage. There has been a major shift in gender roles in our society and a man needs to keep up with them.