8 Signs of Internalized Misogyny

We all know what misogyny and sexism look like. At least I hope we all do. It is clear behavior rooted in the belief that women are less than men. But, internalized misogyny can be seen from anyone, even feminists.

I am sure I have even shown signs of internalized misogyny at points in my life. But what is it? Internalized misogyny is involuntarily believing the stereotypes held against women.

This means that the intense amount of sexism in society has made its way into our psyches and even though we are feminists, some of those negatives beliefs still seep in.

Internalized misogyny may seem harmless from afar. It, of course, cannot be as bad as outright and blatant sexism, right? Well, maybe, but the effects of internalized misogyny can be long-lasting and consequential for both men and women.

Men who are liberal and seem to understand feminism completely may still show signs of internalized misogyny through their male privilege. When a woman is asked what she does to prevent sexual assault, the list could go on forever, but because a man is a man the thought most likely does not even cross his mind.

# Appreciating more feminine qualities

Hearing a man complimenting you’re beautiful is always nice. And there is nothing wrong with loving to hear those words. But putting more basis on a compliment about your more traditionally feminine qualities than masculine ones can be problematic.

You don’t have to necessarily prefer to hear that you are a good leader or smart or funny over being called pretty, but knowing your worth on both ends of the spectrum removes internalized misogyny from your mind.

# Trying to be perfect

That balance that so many women strive for is impossible. You want to be smart but not too smart. Funny, but not funnier than him. You want to be a good cook and look cute, but not put too much effort in.

It is a balancing act so many women try to achieve but so unnecessary. Have you ever seen a man work so hard to be a perfect mix of naughty and nice?

# Looking down on traditional gender roles

Traditional gender roles are not evil. Yet, internalized misogyny can lead to that belief. If feminism is all about equality, then a woman who decides to stay at home with her family rather than work can’t be a feminist, right? WRONG!

Feminism is about appreciating and respecting a woman’s right to choose what she does with her life whether that be work, have a family, both, or neither. If you look at women who haven’t made the same choices as you as a lesser person, you may be dealing with internalized misogyny.

# Judging other women

Whether you judge a coworker on her shoes, think a woman rocking her natural hair to work is unprofessional, or anything along those lines, you have a touch of internalized misogyny.

Working together as women, no matter how different, is what helps us break this poisonous pattern.

# Trying to be cool

Raise your hand if you have tried to be the “cool girl.” *Raises hand*. Being easygoing is something women try so hard to do when sometimes it is in our nature to nitpick. We can not say anything when our guy leaves the toilet seat up or forgets to pick up his dirty laundry. But we can become resentful after so long.

This is even more common in the dating world. You meet a guy, you like him, but he isn’t ready for a commitment. Although you might be ready to walk down the aisle tomorrow, you hold your tongue and follow his lead. Staying silent in these situations only enhances the culture of misogyny.

# Interrupting

It is a well-known fact that men interrupt women. In friend groups, in work meetings, even at home. This is brought on by the idea that what a woman has to say can’t possibly be as important as a man’s opinion.

This goes hand in hand with mansplaining. The annoying phenomenon of a man explaining something to a woman in a patronizing way. But women also tend to interrupt fellow women, because sexism pits us against each other rather than celebrating our mutual successes.

# Feeling guilty

Ahhhh, feeling guilty. This is probably the one I have dealt with the most in my life. Feeling guilty for turning down a guy that bought you a drink when a drink does not imply or promise anything to a man.

Feeling guilty for leading on a man then changing your mind. These are all rights women have. Men make these choices all the time, but are they made to feel guilty about it? A man sleeps with a woman but decides not to call her, he moves on. A woman does the same thing and she is judged by society and may even begin to judge herself.

# Giving in

This is a difficult one because it requires a lot of strength to fight back at sexism. Sometimes, yes, it is easier to just give in with something small than to fight back and once again allow misogyny to take over and categorize you as whiny or bitchy.

But if a man at work asks you to get him coffee over a male coworker, that is not right. Maybe if it happens once it is because you stood closer, but when this becomes a pattern saying something changes the narrative.