Sometimes, we’re convinced we’re in love with someone, even if we haven’t spoken to them, or worse, even met them. This often happens to teenagers when they become fixated on a celebrity or sports star. However, that usually ebbs away as their attention goes elsewhere. But for some, limerence is far more rooted in reality and can cause major issues.
When it comes to understanding limerence vs love, it’s very important to know the difference between the two, as complicated as it may seem. Or else you may end up investing yourself in a relationship that actually isn’t based on love.
That’s not a relationship you want to be in, at least, when you think it’s a loving one.
# You truly feel you can’t live without them
When you’re in love, you feel that you don’t want to live without this person. But when it’s limerence, you feel that you can’t live without them. And there’s a huge difference between the two.
The thought of not having them next to you gives you feelings of anxiety and unbearable pain for the possible loss of their affection and attention.
# The relationship isn’t fully developedLimerence usually occurs in the initial stages of a new relationship or even if a relationship is nonexistent.
This happens before you actually get to know the person for who they are. Instead, you’re living in a fantasy, while you’re daydreaming about your future with them or picture who you want them to be.
# Limerence is emotional dependencyWhen your limerent object of affection is not having a good day, you don’t have a good day. If they withdraw from you, you become depressed and feel a sense of hopelessness.
Your emotional state depends solely on how this person feels. It’s almost as if you’re addicted to them; this is limerence.
# Limerence isn’t realityHere’s the thing: limerence
isn’t based on mutual feelings for one another; it’s not reality. Yes,
this person exists, but you don’t know who they are as a person;
instead, you have in your head an idea of who they are.
When it comes to love, it’s when you know who the person is, including their flaws, and yet, you choose them.
# The connection feels intenseThis is something people can feel, whether it’s love or limerence. But there’s a big difference. Limerence is when you feel an intense connection with someone you don’t know.
Love is when you do feel a strong connection, but there’s a stable foundation and understanding between both people.
# You pay very close attention to their words and actionsIf it’s love, you don’t need to watch this person constantly, trying to decode every word they say to you.
But if it’s limerence, you inspect everything they say under a microscope, trying to uncover clues and hints that they feel the same way for you. Sounds familiar?
# You’re obsessed with everything they doWith limerence, you’re obsessed with everything this person does. You stalk them on social media, and constantly see who they’re talking to, what they do during the day, and how they react to you *if you two know each other*. Your entire day revolves around them.
# You “accidentally” bump into themWe all know it’s not by accident. When you’re in love, there’s no need to create scenarios to see this person. But when it’s limerence, your relationship isn’t based on mutual love.
You feel this need to see them, so you accidentally show up where they work, or bump into them at their favorite coffee shop. This behavior borderlines stalking, and you need to work on stopping this.
# You place them on a pedestalYou don’t actually know this person and who they really are, but when it’s limerence, you don’t care. Instead, you have an idea of who they are, and aren’t interested in getting to know the real them.
So you place your idea of who they are on a pedestal, making them look like a flawless person, regardless of whether or not they’re actually horrible.