We don’t want to curse your new union before it’s possibly even got off the ground, but the truth of the matter is this relationships come and go in life. But you must learn how to focus on yourself in a relationship in order to protect against the possibility that it might not work out.
It’s not all negative, but it’s never a bad thing to keep time aside for yourself. Not only does this help you to keep developing and learning, but it also means that in the worst-case scenario that things don’t work out, you haven’t thrown 100% of your time into something which hit a dead end.
# Maintain your friendshipsThe biggest error you can make in a relationship? Leaving your friends behind and focusing on your relationship. Your friends were there before. If things go wrong, they’ll be thereafter.
However, if you don’t pay them time and attention in-between, perhaps they will wonder whether the friendship is as important to you as it is to them.
Make time for your friends. Make sure that this is a regular thing. Don’t cancel nights out and dinner dates because you want to spend time with your beau. They’ll still be there when you get home.
Also, when you are spending time with your friends, don’t spend all night on your phone texting your partner or talking about them non-stop! Be who you were before. Deep down, that’s who you still are.
Friends are important. Don’t throw them to one side just because you’ve found someone to spend alone time with.
# Keep doing whatever you loveAgain, it’s easy to forget yourself. Suddenly, the things you used to do before you met your partner might suddenly go by the wayside. Big mistake. Your hobbies and the things you love to do are part of who you are.
When you stop doing them, you’re suppressing your own enjoyment! If you love to read, keep on reading. If you love to draw, keep on drawing. Hell, if you love to bake bread at 3 a.m .on a regular basis, keep on baking!
Giving up on the things you love will only come back to bite you on the behind at a later date and it’s one of the main ways to guarantee success when learning how to focus on yourself in a relationship.
# Make sure you have alone timeBefore you met your beau, you no doubt spent a little time on your own. You wouldn’t be with your friends 24/7.
This alone time meant doing the things you enjoy, watching Netflix, and just chilling the hell out. Alone time is important for grounding and relaxation, so don’t stop doing it just because you’ve coupled up.
Spending time alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely, it means you enjoy your own company and that makes you a stronger and more well-rounded person.
# Keep looking for new things to do and learnIf you were
single or casually dating, you’d still take up new hobbies, learn new
skills, and even try new outfits just for the hell of it.
Don’t
suddenly stop looking out for new things to try, do, and learn, just
because you’re now part of a twosome. If you do that, you’re losing part
of yourself. You’re halting your own self-development and enjoyment.
If
your new partner is worth the fuss, they’ll support you when you want
to learn a new skill, take up a new evening class, or basically try
something you’ve never tried before.
If they try and stop you
from doing it or make you want to not do it for yourself, that’s a huge
red flag. When learning how to focus on yourself in a relationship, just
keep on trying something new.
# Always focus on health
You might want to spend all day lounging in bed and watching Netflix with your partner. Let’s be honest, it’s not the way to stay healthy! Keep on eating healthily.
Cook together to make sure you both do this, and keep on with your exercise regime. If you didn’t have one before, now is the time to start!
The early part of any relationship is packed with evenings out, meals out, comfort eating, and generally risking letting yourself go a little because you’re comfortable. Don’t do it!
# Do things for you, just becauseKeep on looking for things to do and learn, but you should also do things just for yourself, for the sake of it too. Of course, balance this up with couple-time and seeing your friends and family, but if you want to lay in bed on a Sunday and read alone, go for it.
Learning how to focus on yourself in a relationship means putting yourself first occasionally. It’s very easy to focus on your partner and nothing else. It’s never going to help you develop an equally balanced and healthy relationship.
So, if you want to drink coffee and watch the world go by, if you want to soak in a hot bath for more than an hour, or if you want to watch reruns of Friends for the hell of it, go for it!
# Remember the goals you had
When you meet someone new, it feels like your whole world has turned on its axis. It’s a crazy time. It’s easy to stop working towards your goals in response. Don’t let this happen.
If you were working towards something before, keep working towards it now. You’ll kick yourself in the future if you don’t, whether the relationship works out or not.
# Stick to your boundariesWhat are you comfortable and uncomfortable with? What is a red flag for you? Setting boundaries in a relationship is vital.
However, it’s equally as vital, if not more so, to ensure that you stick to them. By doing this, you avoid losing yourself and you protect yourself against being taken advantage of.
How to focus on yourself in a relationship? Make sure you’re only doing the things you’re comfortable with and that nobody is crossing any red lines.
# Make a “me-only” bucket list
Everyone knows what a bucket list is, right? Well if you don’t, it is a list of things you want to do before you leave this world.
Many times, people create these lists together – like if you’re in a couple. But there’s no reason you can’t do one just for yourself.
So, start writing your “me-only” bucket list. What are the things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t done yet? Do you want to go sky diving? Learn how to salsa dance? It doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure it’s something that you – and only you – want to do yourself.