There was a period of time, around four months, where I didn’t leave my house. My best friend got her first boyfriend, I had a fight with my other friends, so, instead, I said fuck it. I spent the entire winter laying in front of my fireplace, watching the news with my parents. I’m not going to lie, I really did love this time away from literally everyone. I went to school, went to work, stayed at home—a continuous no social life loop for four months.
Now, sometimes, you need this time on your own. Maybe you feel the need to be on your own and that’s okay. However, if you prolong this into a long period of time, like me, then it’s time you tried to get out of this no social life cycle.
I thought I was having a good time, in some way I was. However, I started to distance myself further and further away from my friends. This is when your time alone becomes a little worrisome. So, if you notice you have no social life, it’s time to get yourself one.
# What, a social life? Before I even get into this, do you really lack a social life? I’m not saying that what you’re feeling isn’t real. But, nowadays with all this social media, many people feel that a social life is only a social life if they’re surrounded by three hundred “friends.”
If you only have two or three friends who you hang out with on a regular basis, then you have a social life. Don’t get caught up in the fakeness that you see on social media.
# Why do you lack a social life? Now there are a couple reasons as to why you don’t have a social life. No social life is either due to loneliness or shyness. You probably experience one of these two emotions which you should overcome.
Loneliness is due to the feeling your body creates when you lack a social connection. Shyness is the fear of social criticism. Try to look within yourself to understand which feeling you experience.
# People probably want to hang out with youIf you suffer from loneliness and shyness, you need to understand that people around you want to hang out with you. There are seven billion people on this planet. Trust me, someone wants to hang out with you.
Now, whether you want to hang out with them is a different question. However, if you feel lonely or shy, you may be interpreting people in a negative way, rather than a positive way.
# You have to make this a priorityYou need to make your social life a priority, especially if you don’t have one. You need to put in a lot of time in making connections and maintaining those relationships.
Most of my friends are from high school. It’s not that I don’t have friends from university, but I simply cannot put the time into maintaining these new relationships. Now, don’t drop out of school to go clubbing every weekend, but do prioritize a certain amount of time per week into seeing friends.
# Accept invitationsI’m horrible at this one, in fact, I’m a huge flake. I know what I am, it’s not a good quality, but I just want to stay home and watch Vice documentaries with my dog. But that won’t keep you friends, let me tell ya.
Instead of staying in and watching Netflix, you need to go out. So, when someone asks you out, say yes. You don’t have to say yes all the time, but the more times you say yes and go, the better your social life will be.
# Don’t be afraid of rejectionYou may be scared to ask people to hang out because you’re scared of rejection. Everyone is scared of rejection, I’ve been turned down many times. However, it’s not because they don’t want to hang out with you. Okay, some people may say no because of that, but other people are busy with school, work, boyfriends/girlfriends. If you don’t ask people to hang out, you end up at home alone, so you lose nothing.
# You must talkYou don’t need to talk all the time, but, what you do talk about needs some substance. Conversation is what makes a relationship grow and develop. Now, in the beginning, you don’t need deep conversations. Your goal is just to become comfortable with talking to new people and creating connections.
# You don’t have to talk to people you don’t want toNow, push yourself to talk to people. But, if you really don’t want to invest your time and energy with someone who you don’t want to talk to, then don’t. It’s already hard enough for you to talk to new people, so, don’t burden yourself with talking to people that you’re not interested in.
# Find people with similar interests
The best way to develop a social life is to surround yourself with people who share similar interests as you. What you need to do is join groups and activities that you genuinely find interesting. That way, you’ll be surrounded by people who enjoy things that you do. This means, you already share something in common which pushes you one step ahead of the bunch.