Have an Anxious Kid? Here are 10 Parenting Tips

An anxious child often experiences excessive worry, fear, or unease that goes beyond typical childhood concerns. They may struggle with situations that others find routine, such as attending school, making friends, or trying new activities. These feelings can manifest in physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, or restlessness, making it challenging for them to fully engage in daily life. Understanding and supporting an anxious child involves patience, empathy, and tools to help them navigate their emotions while building confidence and resilience.

Many caring parents aim to shield anxious children from their fears, but being overly protective can unintentionally worsen anxiety. Here are some tips to help kids manage anxiety without reinforcing it.

# Avoid Eliminating Anxiety; Focus on Management

Instead of trying to eliminate a child’s anxiety, help them manage it. Supporting children in learning to tolerate anxiety can lead to its gradual reduction over time. For instance, anxiety can be protective, like when it helps us avoid danger, such as a speeding car. However, for kids with anxiety disorders, it’s essential to differentiate between helpful and unhelpful anxiety. Think of it as an overactive fire alarm that sometimes signals danger when there isn’t any. Treatment involves recalibrating this alarm, so kids respond to genuine threats while managing unnecessary anxiety effectively.

# Avoid Avoidance

While avoiding feared situations may provide short-term relief, it reinforces anxiety in the long term. Parents often try to shield their children out of care, but this sends the message that they can’t handle the situation. Instead, convey confidence in their ability to face fears. Assure them that they are brave and capable, even when something feels intimidating.

# Set Positive Yet Realistic Expectations

Avoid promising that a feared event won’t happen, as this creates false certainty. Instead, express confidence in the child’s ability to handle any outcome. Anxiety thrives on intolerance for uncertainty, so the focus should be on equipping kids to manage situations, no matter the result.

# Validate Feelings Without Empowering Them

Acknowledge your child’s feelings without necessarily agreeing with their fears. For example, if they’re scared of a doctor’s visit, empathize with their worry but encourage them to face it. This approach helps them build resilience without amplifying their fears.

# Avoid Leading Questions

Encourage open communication without suggesting answers. Instead of asking, “Are you anxious about the test?” try asking, “How are you feeling about the test?” Open-ended questions help children reflect on and articulate their feelings, promoting emotional understanding.

# Don’t Reinforce Fears

Be mindful of your tone and body language. Avoid signaling that something might be scary. Anxious children often mirror their parents’ anxieties. By maintaining calm confidence, you can help reduce their fears.

# Offer Encouragement

Recognize and praise your child’s efforts to face their fears. Facing anxiety is challenging, and positive reinforcement helps them feel supported and motivated to continue.

# Minimize Anticipatory Anxiety

The period leading up to a feared event can be the most stressful. Tailor your approach to your child by balancing preparation with minimizing excessive rumination. For instance, share details about an upcoming doctor’s appointment a day or two before, rather than weeks in advance.

# Think It Through Together

Help your child develop a plan for coping with their fears. For example, if a child with separation anxiety fears getting lost in a store, work together to create a plan, such as finding an employee wearing a green vest for assistance. This not only eases anxiety but also fosters problem-solving skills.

# Model Healthy Anxiety Management

Demonstrate healthy coping strategies for your own stress and anxiety. For example, if you’re feeling stressed about being late, narrate your coping approach, like taking deep breaths to stay calm. This shows children that anxiety is manageable and encourages them to adopt similar strategies.