It’s clear that there’s a thin line between being arrogant and being confident. Many argue that these traits often go hand in hand, and to some extent, this belief holds true.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines arrogant as having or showing an insulting attitude of people who believe they are better, smarter, or more important than others. In contrast, confident is defined as having a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something.
We conducted a survey of 20 women and gay men, asking them to list their top five favorite and most disliked traits in men. Arrogance appeared in everyone’s top five most disliked traits, while confidence was consistently listed among the top five favorites.
So, what do these findings suggest? There is undoubtedly a fine line between arrogance and confidence, and consequently, a fine line between being admired and being disliked.
# ModestyPay attention to modesty. Arrogant men often lack this quality, as they tend to boast about their achievements, constantly seek praise, and rarely give credit to others. In contrast, confident men are open to discussing their successes but will acknowledge the support they received, saying things like, It took a lot of hard work, but I couldn’t have done it without my mentor’s help.
# How He Treats OthersObserve how he treats others, especially those in service roles like waitstaff, cab drivers, and baristas. Arrogant men tend to be rude and dismissive, while confident men consistently display good manners. Remember, a man’s character is better judged by how he treats those he perceives as beneath him, rather than his equals.
# Admitting MistakesA confident man isn’t afraid to admit his mistakes. For instance, if he’s unsure about items on a French menu, he’ll ask the server for help. On the other hand, an arrogant man will pretend to know everything, refusing to acknowledge any weaknesses, even if he doesn’t understand a word of French.
# Maintaining Eye ContactConfident men have no trouble maintaining eye contact during conversations, fully focusing on you and encouraging you to speak confidently. In contrast, an arrogant man might have a shifty gaze, looking around for someone else to talk to, especially if he thinks it might benefit him more.
# General BehaviorHis overall behavior will reveal whether he is confident or arrogant. Arrogant men often exude an air of superiority, bragging about their wealth and possessions. Conversely, confident men are more grounded and respectful. They might own luxury items but choose not to flaunt them.
# Willingness to LearnAn arrogant man tries to give the impression that he knows everything, even when he doesn’t. A confident man, however, is eager to learn and improve. He’s not embarrassed to admit when he doesn’t know something and is determined to learn and master it.
# Actions Over WordsAn arrogant man is likely to talk more than he acts. For example, if you mention wanting to switch careers, he might boast about knowing influential people who can help but fail to follow through unless it benefits him. In contrast, a confident man lets his actions speak louder than words and is likely to keep any promises he makes.
# What’s Said and How It’s SaidThe way a man speaks can distinguish between arrogance and confidence. Arrogant men often act like they know everything, speaking with such certainty that they may cause you to doubt yourself. They tend to talk down to others and aren’t shy about correcting or dismissing them, even if it causes embarrassment. Confident men, on the other hand, respect others' beliefs and opinions, valuing different perspectives as opportunities to learn and grow.
# Social RelationshipsHow he behaves in social situations is telling. An arrogant man might belittle, embarrass, or dismiss others, leading to many acquaintances but few real friends. In contrast, confident men naturally attract others, lifting them up and celebrating their successes without feeling threatened. They tend to have a wide circle of friends and are generally well-liked.