15 Signs of Avoidant Attachment in a Relationship

All human beings have a basic need to connect with others. But we don’t always do so effectively. The way that we attach to those around us is usually learned in childhood from how we formed attachments to our parents. For the avoidant attachment style, those early bonds were anything but secure and the reason for doomed adult relationships.

All human beings have a fundamental need to connect with others, but we don't always do so effectively. The way we form attachments to those around us is typically learned during childhood, based on our attachment to our parents. For those with an avoidant attachment style, these early bonds were insecure, often leading to troubled adult relationships.

Attachment styles describe how we think and behave in relationships, with avoidant attachment being a type of insecure attachment. This style is characterized by avoiding emotions, emotional closeness, and intimacy.

Children who develop an avoidant attachment style often come to believe that others are not reliable, trustworthy, or caring. From a young age, they learn to meet their own needs because their parents or caregivers are unresponsive. This lack of responsive caregiving is referred to as attachment trauma.

Consequently, children with avoidant attachment tend to protect themselves. As adults, they typically exhibit behaviors aimed at fulfilling their own needs without relying on connections, help, or support from others.

# Avoids physical touch

Due to a lack of physical affection from their parents, they feel uncomfortable with physical contact and avoid touching or hugging as much as possible.

# Avoids eye contact

They find eye contact, a personal and intimate behavior, uncomfortable and prefer not to establish that deep connection with others.

# Unusual and abnormal eating habits

Their lack of control during childhood can manifest in unhealthy eating habits or disorders.

# Rarely or never asks for help

Having relied solely on themselves during childhood, they find asking others for help pointless and uncomfortable.

# Uncomfortable with physical closeness

Uncomfortable with physical touch, they prefer to maintain a physical distance from others, often sitting far away.

# Accuses their partner of being needy or clingy

Their discomfort with physical and emotional closeness leads them to perceive anyone seeking such closeness as needy or clingy, often pushing them away.

# Trouble feeling or showing their emotions

Discouraged from expressing emotions by their parents, they may not be in touch with their emotions and struggle to express them.

# Refuses to help someone

Having never received help from their parents, they do not understand the concept of receiving help and often refuse it.

# Rejects emotional support from others

They struggle to accept emotional support from loved ones, feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to respond.

# Fear of getting hurt if they are close to people

Their early experiences of rejection from their parents lead to a fear of getting hurt by others, causing them to withdraw when someone tries to get close.

# Doesn’t rely on their partner when stressed

Conditioned to handle their own problems, they do not seek their partner's help when stressed, preferring to solve issues independently.

# Won’t let their partner rely on them

Expecting others to handle their own problems as they do, they typically do not allow their partners to rely on them for help.

# Prefers independence and freedom over partnership

While they can engage in relationships, many with this attachment style prefer to remain single or maintain as much independence and freedom as possible within a partnership.

# Appears calm and rational during high-emotion situations

In emotionally charged situations, they appear calm and composed, not expressing any distress they might be feeling.

# Avoids emotional closeness in relationships

Their discomfort with emotional closeness can make their partners feel rejected and take it personally.