10 Basic Boundaries To Set For Yourself

All healthy relationships share a common element—boundaries. But what exactly are boundaries? While they vary from couple to couple, there are some general principles on how to establish them in a relationship.

Boundaries can help prevent arguments from escalating and ensure that neither you nor your partner oversteps when you prefer to handle something on your own.

The boundaries you set will depend on your relationship, but they should always enhance the relationship as a whole, not just benefit one person.

You might think that a healthy relationship should have no boundaries, where everything is shared equally because you’re equal partners. However, boundaries and rules are not the same.

Boundaries are designed to help you and your partner navigate challenges and emerge stronger, not to restrict or limit your relationship.

In essence, boundaries serve as guiding principles for a successful relationship. Without them, staying together can become more challenging as neither partner takes responsibility for anything.

Many couples face issues because they expect their partner to intuitively know what they want or need, but the reality is, neither of you are mind readers.

# They're Single or Married

Unless they’ve recently ended things with their partner or are actively going through a divorce, there’s no reason to be involved with this person. If they claim they’ll leave their partner for you, only believe it when it actually happens. In the meantime, don’t waste your time. You’re just a placeholder for them, a way to distract from their problems at home. Don’t let yourself become their emotional crutch. They can seek help from a therapist or find advice elsewhere.

# No Means No

It doesn’t matter who they are—whether they’re a man or a woman, have three legs or one, listen to Justin Bieber, or have a pet turtle. When you say “no,” they should respect it. If someone doesn’t understand or disregards your “no,” it’s a sign they don’t respect or care about you. While dating a “bad boy” or “cool girl” might seem thrilling, it’s not worth the heartache in the long run. Haven’t you seen any chick flicks? Those characters always end up alone.

# Someone Who Can’t Apologize

It might not seem like a big deal, but if you’re with someone who doesn’t know how or refuses to apologize—run. This is a major red flag in the boundaries of dating. Acknowledging their actions and taking responsibility for mistakes is crucial. What happens if they mess up during a fight and refuse to apologize? You’ll end up in a draining, one-sided relationship where you’re always taking the blame. If your partner never apologizes, you might eventually just go silent, and every argument will end up making you feel worse emotionally and mentally.

# Manchild or Womanchild

We all have some unresolved issues from our past, but that doesn’t mean you should become someone’s parent. If they have issues, it’s up to them to work through them. You can support them, but their baggage is their responsibility. There’s a difference between being in an equal relationship and having someone rely on you for everything. Don’t let it happen.

# Someone Who’s Unkind to Others

If you want to know what kind of person your partner is, observe how they interact with their parents. Are they inexplicably rude or emotionally abusive towards them? If so, they won’t treat you any better. If they speak unkindly or cruelly to the people who raised them, what makes you think you’ll be treated any differently? That’s a red flag you shouldn’t ignore.

# Don’t Chase Anyone

Remember, if they’re not showing interest, they’re just not that into you. If you’re casually dating someone and they’re not reciprocating, don’t force it—end it. Maybe they’ll realize they missed out on a great person, or maybe they won’t. But if you’re showing interest and they’re making you chase after them, you’re being made a fool. Don’t let that happen.

# Liars

Lies can be dangerous—both figuratively and literally. Imagine finding out that your partner gave you an STI after lying about cheating. You don’t need someone who’s dishonest with you. You shouldn’t have to play detective in your relationship, trying to figure out what’s really going on. Relationships are built on trust, not on lies and deception.

# Name-Calling

We’re not in middle school. If your partner resorts to name-calling or making degrading comments, they need to grow up. You don’t need that negativity in your life. If you’re dating someone who hurts you with their words, let them know it’s unacceptable. If they ignore your concerns, it’s time to move on. Respect is non-negotiable in a relationship.

# Pushing Sexual Desires on You

If you’re uncomfortable with certain sexual activities, you shouldn’t feel pressured to participate. Whether it’s a threesome or trying something you’re not into, your boundaries in the bedroom should be respected. Make sure you communicate your limits so that you’re both on the same page and avoid any surprises.

# Trust

Trust is essential in any relationship. You shouldn’t stay in a relationship where you can’t trust your partner. Trust has to be earned, so pay attention to any signs of shady behavior. If you start feeling suspicious, trust your instincts—they’re often right. Don’t stick around just to have your suspicions confirmed. If they betray your trust, it’s a clear sign that they’re not as committed to you as you are to them. Don’t let yourself become just a convenience for them.