Being able to control your emotions depends in part on how much you 'feed' a particular emotion; on how much we focus on what we are afraid of, enraged by, or depressed about. But it's more than that. Good 'emotional intelligence' requires we understand our own moods, recognizing when and why we are upset and having very real strategies in place to be able to influence the way that we feel.
1. Very intense emotions blind us to the future and con us that now is all that matters. In fact, when we are incredibly angry or anxious, we can even momentarily forget that there is even going to be a future.
2. Learn to observe your own attitudes and emotional ebbs and flows. One key first step to emotional control is to know when we are actually being emotional and also why. If you catch yourself feeling unexpectedly strongly about something, ask yourself why. Controlling your emotions isn't about pretending they are not there. If you feel jealous, angry, sad, bitter, or greedy, label exactly how you are feeling in your own mind.
3. We tend to assume that moods just 'happen to us' and, like storms, the best we can do is wait until they pass. But, unlike climatic storms, we can influence - even change - our moods without resorting to unhealthy means such as alcohol or drugs. Being able to manage and influence your own emotions is a powerful marker for good health, emotional maturity, and happiness.
4. Some people assume that emotions are 'all in your head', whereas actually all emotions are physical responses. Anger pushes heart rate and blood pressure up, which is why having an angry temperament is a predictor of heart disease; anxiety produces lots of physical changes; and even depression suppresses the immune system.
5. Think of emotion as a strong but stupid being that sometimes needs your guidance and direction. We need some emotion to motivate us, but it needs to be the right emotion at the right time applied in the right way. The more emotional we become, the stupider we become. This is because emotions want us to react blindly and physically rather than to think or be objective and rational.