Try these 15 things to calm yourself down in the heat of battle

We've all encountered that intense woman with the wild look in her eyes, as if all hell has broken loose—the one who just can't calm down or see beyond her anger. Some guys have a remarkable knack for pushing our buttons and making us lose control. Unfortunately, this often leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy: when we're not heard, we tend to raise our voices even more.

Soon enough, you're ranting, raving, and chasing him around like a madwoman. This isn't high school anymore, and letting someone drive you to the brink of crazy eyes only harms your self-image and self-esteem.

The good news is, you're not actually crazy. You're just reacting in a way that the situation provokes. To protect your self-esteem, you have two options: leave him or learn how to stay calm.

If you choose to stay, the key is to break the cycle. You can't control his behavior, but you can change how you respond.

# Go for a Walk

When you lose your temper, your body undergoes a physiological response, releasing the hormone adrenaline. This rush of adrenaline often causes that wild look in your eyes. By going for a walk or engaging in any activity that raises your heart rate, you can counteract the adrenaline. This helps normalize your heart rate and breathing, allowing you to regain control over your anger.

# Smile

Smiling triggers the release of serotonin, a hormone that promotes good feelings, making it nearly impossible to stay angry. Whenever you feel anxious or angry, try smiling. Even if it lasts just a second, that brief moment can be enough to help you calm down.

# Close Your Eyes and Think of Your Safe Place

Everyone has a place where they feel serene. When you're angry and losing control, find a quiet spot, close your eyes, and picture your safe place. Imagine the calm you feel there. Doing this for a few minutes can help your anger and frustration dissipate, grounding you again.

# Remove Yourself from the Situation

Step away from the situation. Often, just removing yourself and finding something else to focus on can dissipate your anger. Since you likely won’t be able to get through to him in the moment, stepping away gives you time to cool down and think more clearly about how to respond constructively.

# Don’t Fall into His Traps

Some guys know exactly how to push your buttons. Recognize that he may say hurtful things to provoke you and elicit a reaction. Instead of falling into his trap, learn to let his comments roll off your back. When he sees that he can't get a rise out of you, he’s likely to stop trying.

# Put the Phone Down

Avoid starting a text war. In the heat of the moment, you might type things you wouldn't say face-to-face. Put the phone down and wait until things have calmed down before you resume communication.

# Do Some Yoga

Yoga can help you regain balance and calm. You don’t need a class—just a mat and some knowledge of basic moves. Even sitting in child’s pose can help. When you feel overwhelmed, practice yoga to restore your sense of calm.

# Make a List of Things You Love About Him

When you’re upset, it’s easy to forget the good things. Make a list of the things you love about him when you’re not angry. When you feel anger rising, read the list to remind yourself of the positive aspects of your relationship, helping to put things in perspective.

# Let Him Go

If he often runs away or shuts down during arguments, let him go. Don’t chase after him. When he sees you’re not pursuing him, he’ll likely start to reflect on his own behavior. This can shift the dynamic and help him understand his role in the conflict.

# Play the “Is This Real?” Game

When things get heated, have a plan to help each other work through it. Play the “Is This Real?” game. Ask him questions and follow up with, “Real or not real?” This approach can help you stick to factual, emotionless questions, making it easier for him to hear your concerns without feeling attacked.

# Go Shopping

If all else fails, go shopping. Taking a break to indulge in a small purchase can lift your spirits and give both of you time to cool down before things escalate.

# Don’t Drink

Avoid alcohol when you’re upset. Mixing intense emotions with alcohol can make things worse. It might seem like a good way to forget your feelings, but it often leads to losing control. Stay sober to keep your emotions in check.

# Call a Friend

Instead of engaging in an out-of-control argument, call a friend who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear. Talking to someone who can provide perspective and support can help you calm down.

# Practice Fine-Tuning Your Argument Skills

Work on calming yourself down before you’re in the heat of the moment. Practicing the right way to react can help change your behavior patterns over time, making it easier to maintain control during actual conflicts.

# Let Him Go for Good

If you find that you can't gain control or calm down in the relationship, it might be time to reassess whether this person is good for you. Some relationships are toxic, and if you’ve never reacted this way before, it might be a sign that this relationship isn’t healthy for you.