5 Ways to Stop Playing the Comparison Game with a New Date

The waiter arrives, and Mr. Dreamboat orders a steak. Suddenly, you begin reminiscing about how Mr. Ex used to prefer his steak rare, and you chuckle, saying, Ew, right? In that moment, you inadvertently slip into the pattern of constantly comparing your current situation to your past relationship, earning yourself the label of the girl who always brings up her ex.

It's easy to find yourself caught up in discussing your ex or drawing parallels between your current date and past experiences. However, doing so only hinders your ability to truly connect with this potentially great new guy!

I understand that completely banishing thoughts of your ex is challenging. Nevertheless, it's important to resist letting him dominate your thoughts at every turn. Here are some key steps you can take to ensure that memories of your ex don't overshadow the potential for a promising relationship with someone new.

# Move on from him

This task is far from easy, especially when this person was the one who captured your heart and possibly left you in despair, indulging in bowls of chocolate ice cream every night post-breakup.

Although it may prove challenging and require a significant amount of time, it's imperative to release your grip on the past before embarking on anything new with someone else. Clinging to lingering feelings for an ex will sabotage any potential future with someone wonderful and leave you feeling despondent, not to mention dragging old baggage into your fresh relationship.

# Avoid rebound dating

Dating can be exhilarating and rejuvenating after a messy breakup. However, when a flirtatious evening with a promising new individual suddenly morphs into a serious relationship, you might question whether you've jumped onto the rebound train too hastily. If you haven't entirely moved on from your ex, to the extent where you don't constantly bring him up, then you're not ready to date.

If you do engage in rebound dating before you're genuinely prepared, ensure it remains casual. You're only jeopardizing a potential future with someone who, at another phase in your life, could be an excellent match. Unfortunately, you might still be too shattered by what you now dub as Cheating-Lying-Small-Penis-Bastard to recognize a promising opportunity right in front of you. Thus, if you do feel the urge to reenter the dating scene post-breakup, ensure it remains exactly what it should be: casual.

# Compile a list of pros

Sure, your ex used to bring you breakfast in bed, contributed to rent even though he didn't live with you, and always let you pick the first Netflix show. The new guy? Not quite the same.

Instead of fixating on the differences, concentrate on what he does that you appreciate. Does he surprise you with lunch at work? Take care of you when you're unwell? Hold doors open for you? Send text messages filled with smiley faces when you've had a rough day? More importantly, does he prioritize your satisfaction? These are all remarkable qualities worth celebrating, not comparing.

Start acknowledging all the wonderful things you're beginning to admire about this guy by vocalizing them. While you don't need to shout I love you! from the rooftops the next time he holds the coffee shop door open, ensure you convey sentiments like I love how chivalrous you are when you open doors for me! or You always manage to brighten my day after a rough one.

Expressing these sentiments aloud will not only make him feel like the best boyfriend ever but will also reinforce to you mentally that you've found a gem. The new guy could be precisely what you're searching for if you allow it to unfold.

# Forge new memories

For those inclined towards the cozy familiarity of established relationships rather than the bustling energy of new encounters, the idea of welcoming someone new into your life can be daunting. After all, they don't know your quirks and nuances like your ex did, and you don't share that effortless chemistry that comes from intimate acquaintance over time.

Don't shut the door on your new beau just yet. Give him the opportunity to create new memories with you, ones that surpass or at least overshadow your old ones. Over time, you may find yourself growing closer to the new guy, developing your own inside jokes, and reveling in the experience of falling in love all over again.

# Recall why you parted ways

People often view past relationships through rose-tinted glasses, conveniently forgetting all the unpleasant aspects that turned the relationship sour. Instead of idealizing your former flame, make an effort to recall why you broke up in the first place. Even if you weren't the instigator of the breakup, there must have been aspects of the relationship that didn't sit well with you.

Loud chewing? Small appendage? Snoring? Friends couldn't stand him? Yes, these aspects can help you fall out of love with your ex. If you struggle to find reasons to dislike your ex, remember the heart-wrenching moments when things took a turn for the worse, when things became unbearable, and ultimately when you decided to part ways.