Effective communication plays a central role in my counseling work with couples. It serves as the fundamental pillar for cultivating a joyful and satisfying relationship. Nonetheless, mastering the art of communication within the context of marriage can prove challenging.
Couples frequently express their difficulties in effectively conversing with their partners about a wide array of topics, including household matters, financial concerns, child-rearing, ex-partner conflicts, and the involvement of extended family, among other issues. These communication hurdles often intensify, evolving into arguments that erode the bonds of affection and gradually deplete the reservoir of love.
The absence of proficient communication within a marriage can be profoundly detrimental. If left unaddressed, these communication deficiencies and escalating arguments have the potential to escalate further, leading to physical confrontations, separation, and even divorce.
While it may seem that the primary subjects of disagreement involve matters such as children, in-laws, or financial situations, the incapacity to establish effective communication within the confines of marriage can impede the resolution of any issue at hand.
If you find yourself seeking a definitive answer to the question of how to communicate with your spouse without engaging in conflict? I've compiled a comprehensive list of 16 principles that can assist you in constructing and applying successful communication strategies within your marriage.
# Avoid double messagesAvoid saying something and contradicting it in a non-verbal way. We communicate with words, tone, facial expressions, gestures, and body language. So, be extra careful!
# Deal with it now
Delays have the potential of creating layers of negative emotions.
# Respect cross-cultural relationshipsUnderstand that people from different cultures may attach a different meaning to certain gestures.
# Always show respectAlways show respect for your partner’s value as a human being.
# Accept that issues can be viewed uniquelyDon’t assume that your perspective is the only one or the valid one.
# Focus on the current issue
Communication becomes clouded when the past is dumped into the conversation. It is wise to avoid bringing unrelated grievances, complaints, and past sins to the table.
“For better or worse” is the promise of forgiveness and a pathway to effective communication in marriage.
# Fight fair Resist fault finding, exaggerations, put-downs, name-calling, blaming, insults, sarcasm, and absolutes…” You always” …” You never.” It is advisable to avoid “You should” or “You shouldn’t” as well.
These unfair verbal weapons only escalate an argument due to the attacking nature and usually result in the other person taking a defensive posture.
# Be clear Be concise and specific with your words.
# Be honest about your feelingsResist saying “You made me feel.” Giving your personal power away is an excuse for bad behavior.
“I” statements are more concise…” I felt like crap when you said…” This is a better way of expressing your feelings.
# Be honest, but be sensitiveBe aware of your spouse’s feelings. We know the words that hurt.
You need to realize that intentionally using hurtful words is sabotaging and damaging to any relationship.
# Avoid making or accepting excuses too quickly Man-up to your actions, whether right or wrong.
# Listen Carefully, respectfully, and courteously WITHOUT interruptions or criticism.
# Ask questions for clarityAsk questions and be willing to answer any questions to help your spouse gain a meaningful understanding.
# Be conscious of how you are speakingUse the kind, soft, and the polite road to getting your message across. Shouting stimulates the need to be heard and is the negative driving energy of arguments.
Emotions fuel disagreements on both sides of an argument. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.”
# Use positive statements and humor Positive statements and humor help to keep the doors of effective communication in marriage open.
# Be in the habit of giving the gift of life, positive and loving wordsBe in the habit of giving the gift of life, positive and loving words such as compliments, encouraging words, full attention listening, finding the good, and acts of kindness.