When it comes to arranged marriages, the frequency of meeting weirdos would be way lesser given that your parents have already screened the entries. Or so you’d think. At the onset, let it be known that we have absolutely nothing against arranged marriages. If reports are to be believed, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes didn’t have any problems with it and we’ve suffered through enough Bollywood movies to know that our life partner is hiding one precariously balanced tea tray away. Our only issue here is that, in real life, you have to go through plenty of frogs before you find your Tom Cruise. The idea of an arranged marriage may sound straight out a Bollywood film, but before you whip up a Sooraj Barjatya fairytale, keep an eye out and stay well away from these seven likely suspects who’ll turn up:
# Brand Freak
Everything from his clothes to his mobile phone to his car has been bought to advertise exactly how rich he is on his behalf - Although we are guessing the God complex that goes along with them wasn’t store-bought. The only reason he spared half an hour out of his daily job of running the planet is because his mother threatened him with bodily harm.
# Money Minded
Sure, he came here to see you, but he’d just as soon marry your bank account. While the rest of the mortals go down the sundar, susheel route; this guy ends the hunt once he finds someone whose immediate family and direct relatives are comfortably settled, moneywise. Bonus points if that someone happens to be looking for a ghar jamaai.
# The Chronic Exaggerators
“Oh, I told you my height was 5’11”? I meant to say 5’7”. And I know I’m closer to 5’5” but chalta hai na yaar.” Call us psychic, but given his inability to measure inches properly, we can foresee some grave problems ten minutes into your wedding night.
# Stalker
He will have you stalked within an inch of your virtual life even before he’s set foot in your house and teatime conversation will revolve around why you haven’t accepted his Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and Snapchat requests yet.
# The London Return
If the Bollywood movie Queen is anything to go by, a trip abroad can be life-changing; although we draw at the line at suddenly acquired pseudo accents, the sudden inability to understand money matters unless expressed in pounds and vocabularies that don’t extend beyond the words, ‘Yo’ and ‘Ssup.’
# The Interviewer
His superpower involves magically transporting you back to your campus interview days with an incessant barrage of questions that can last for hours together, depending on how long it takes for your willpower to crack and for you to upset the tea tray all over him