9 Tips To Be Assertive and Find Your Voice

Not everyone feels at ease speaking in front of a crowd, and some may shy away from speaking up altogether. Whether it's due to shyness, social anxiety, or just a general discomfort with the situation, finding it hard to express yourself can be challenging. The encouraging news is that with some effort, you can overcome these hurdles. The key is learning how to be more assertive and ensuring your voice is heard.

Gaining the confidence to be more assertive takes time, but it's something anyone can achieve. It's essential to learn how to stand up for yourself because no one else will do it for you.

When you practice assertiveness, you make sure your voice is heard. You use your confidence to communicate your point with a gentle yet firm forcefulness—not aggressive, but assured and clear.

An assertive person can capture the attention of those around them and speak up when necessary. They make their voice heard both literally and figuratively, speaking firmly and effectively to ensure they are understood.

There is a significant benefit to being assertive: it ensures that people take you seriously and don’t overlook what you’re saying.

An assertive individual won’t be taken for granted. They won’t tolerate it and will make their dissatisfaction clear if it happens.

# Acknowledge It

First, you need to acknowledge that you're not currently assertive. If you're reading this, you likely already sense that you need some help. It's time to fully embrace this reality. Accept that you're not assertive right now—it's okay. This acceptance is the first step towards change. You can only progress when you clearly understand where you're starting from.

# Take Small Steps

Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to tackle big goals all at once. Begin with small, manageable steps. Set simple goals, like saying no more often when you don't want to do something (more on that in a moment). Although it might seem easy, these small goals can be surprisingly challenging. But trust us, they’re essential.

# Learn to Say “No”

One of the first steps in becoming assertive is learning to say “no.” Many people struggle with this and end up spending hours on things they don’t really want to do. This might be the hardest step because it requires you to stop prioritizing others’ desires over your own. It’s about what you want, not what others want.

# Don’t Feel Guilty!

When you say no, don't let guilt creep in. If you didn’t want to do something, there’s no reason to feel bad about it. For example, declining an invitation to dinner isn’t causing anyone significant harm. They’ll find someone else to join them, and life will go on.

# Express Your Wants and Needs

To be assertive, you need to clearly communicate your wants and needs. If you're unhappy in a relationship, have you communicated your needs and desires to your partner? People can't read your mind, so it's important to express what you want.

# Share Your Feelings

A common issue among those who struggle with assertiveness is keeping their feelings to themselves. When you act like everything is okay, others assume it is. But that’s not how the world works. If you’re unhappy about something, like attending a friend’s pyramid scheme meeting, speak up—otherwise, you’ll end up sitting there for hours feeling miserable.

# Be Honest

Honesty is crucial if you want to be assertive. You need to be honest not only with those around you but also with yourself. Start by being truthful with yourself, and the rest will follow. If you’re not honest with yourself, you won’t be able to be assertive. It’s that simple.

# It’s Okay to Disagree

Not everyone will like you, and that’s something you need to accept when striving to be assertive. While it’s natural to want to be liked, it’s unrealistic—and honestly, it’s better this way. Imagine if everyone liked you—it wouldn’t be genuine.

# Stay Calm

There’s a fine line between being assertive and coming across as aggressive or domineering. It’s important to recognize the difference. Stating your feelings and needs is one thing; yelling them and forcing them on others is another. Avoid the latter. The goal isn’t to rally people to your side but to clearly communicate where you stand.